Tomorrow (well today now) is our 5th year anniversary so I prepared a nice card with good message, wrote a romantic poem and bought a canvas of her favorite painting for her .... went to the house to hang up the painting but only to find more evidence of affairs. This drives me up the wall. The thing is she doesn't even know I know. She doesn't tell me in the face because she thinks I'm too weak to take it. I want to confront her about this.
I'm seriously considering stopping Love Dare now. I've been reading Love Must Be Tough and I think we're at a point where she has no respect for me and I need let the cage door open. I deserve more respect than getting trampled on.
Even by some miracle (and I'm not hoping for a miracle anymore) she comes back, how will I ever really love her again and forgive her for what she did - sharing her body and mind and soul with other men. I'm so angry and agony doesn't even begin to describe the pain.
I still sent her email on day 12 on the giving in on a disagreement area.
James... We men have this Pride thing. When it gets stepped on, man do we lose our screws and become unwired.
I completely understand your thoughts. However, think about one thing. You are on a journey with Christ. If he had that attitude for the way you treated and rejected him all these years, the way you trampled him. Should he for one second forgive you? I know, the little voice in your head is telling you she had an affair.
Well then, because you have such a hardened heart, file for divorce. OR continue your journey, TRUST CHRIST. And continue your dares. See what things happen over the next 28 days. The worst thing that happens is that you get right with Christ, and you start to live a life with His guidance, His Love, His protection.
I do not know if you ever read my story (which is here for everyone to see in my Bio), I do not know if you ever read my Journals. But everything can be repaired from an affair. If it was not for my journey with Christ, I would be missing out on the Greatest Marriage, The Greatest Love, that I could never have even dreamed possible.
Does it hurt when you go through it, Yea. Does it cross my mind even now, Yea. But one of the greatest things about this life long journey.......... When it happens, I just look to Christ and tell him this is his problem to deal with....
BE STILL... FOR I AM GOD. <---- you need to start hearing this when you think the way your post reads.
Now, you want a real testimony? Pray for a few days. God will let you know. Maybe you should let her know you have found things that MAY suggest an affair. Be calm, be loving. And prove to her that everything you are changing is real. And even though in your eyes right now, she does not deserve one ounce of love.... THIS IS WHEN SHE NEEDS IT THE MOST> Just as Christ is loving you.
I do have a pride problem. I found that out when I was fasting the other day. Have always been so proud of my own accomplishments. I thanked the Lord after the fact but I did not rely on Him at all during the process. I pray the Lord will mold me to be a humble person. I was still thinking I could control what's happening... wishing and hoping that this journey will bring her back. I know I have to trust Him and give it all to Him but each time she rejects me in whatever form I get so irritated and my old self comes right out. I will continue the dare but I'm so weak. I'll pray for forgiveness and strength.
Sean, thanks for sharing your journey with me. I read each of your replies and have read your bio. They're an encouragement to me. I can't seem to get to your journals though even after clicking on your name.
I will look into the journal problem.
James... All these years you have lived "your way". And it is hard to change. But our God is so amazing. He loves us so much. He looks upon us, and says I want James to be happy, to be better. The best way to do that, is to allow you to screw the most important thing in your life up....... That does a few things. It makes you realize that your priorities are screwed up. First, God wants to be first in your life.... Second, that the best way to open the door to mold you, and help you become humble is use what is so important to you.... YOUR SPOUSE. LOL. have to love it.
The only way you are going to have a shot at things being better is to break those chains of Pride, of selfishness, etc... and humble ourselves not only to our spouse, but to Christ. And at times, you will reject him as you have in the past. But the good news is, you will realize it. Just with your "old self coming out". When rejection happens. First reaction should be you hearing God.... BE STILL... That is when you will start being a testimony. That is when you will be able to handle yourself as Christ molded you.
These are the things that you need to start looking to. That you need to start seeking. Not so much fixing your problem. Let Christ handle that. Look to him to do what is best for you.
Try this link for the journals let me know if it works. lovedarestories.com/.../default.aspx
I can use that link you pasted thanks. Actually yesterday I was trying different things and after clicking on a "files" link right underneath "View All Files" and "View Slideshow", then "Journal" and "Media Gallery" showed up. Now I can view other people's journals as well as creating my own... interesting.
I have to say that before this trial I was never really tested as a Christian. This morning service was talking about trials and tests - and how God uses them to change us and draw us closer to Him.
Be still and know He is God.
It is amazing how he gets us to understand things... Even without knowing at first.