Day 12 Forum: Love Lets the Other Win - Recent Threads

Forgot everything I learnt

muneerah — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 07:52:24 GMT

Yesterday was so tough for me again, I didn't have a disagreement with my husband but felt I started one by speaking to him in the first place, and ended up throwing the washing basket at him... He swore at me and pushed me... I cried for 4 hours straight reprimanding myself because I feel as if i have forgotten everything I've learnt in the last few days...

I know I am supposed to be moulded into a better person but sometimes my emotions are so overwrought, I forget to let go...

I have realised the true reason this book was brought to my attention is for me to become a better person, whether it is with my husband or not... I don't want to be angry or bitter, sitting and crying because I want so badly to be a better person... Yesterday was a point I reached where I wished he would leave me alone for good to continue with my life, so I can become a change woman...

I know God will never forsake me and give me anything I can't handle but I am afraid I will crack under the pressure...

Please pray for me, this is so tough on me and my son sees his mother in distress and it makes me feel worse...

Not much to disagree on...

ModernDayHosea1 — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 14:25:36 GMT

Throughout our 24 years of marriage, my wife and I really didn't have many disagreements. Today there seems to be a couple of areas. These arose from her continuous adulterous relationship with the other guy. Number one, she has now separated her money from my money. No longer is it "our" money. Secondly, she appears set on us getting divorced. Based on my scripture readings, the dares AND this forum, I feel strongly that this is NOT what God wants and that we can still have a successful marriage. This one is totally up to God. I do feel I can "give in" on the separation of money and not let that be an area on tension between us. Right now I am focusing on what I need to do to be right with God and trusting that He will take care of my wife.

getting worse - scared it won't get better

ESM75 — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 01:54:03 GMT

I gave in today by validating why she was upset about something. She wanted me to stay out of the house until 1 pm so she could be home studying. She didn't want me there "doing nothing while she has to study and watch out son". When I said that I needed to go home especially since what I had to do was flexible and would not take 2 hours less than that anyway, I said I was going home. She said that her and our son would find something to do until then. I perceived this as her trying to keep me from spending time with him and expressed it as such to her, which upset her. We spoke about it soon after and when she asked if I knew why she was upset, I gave the correct answer. Even though I think I get marginalized out of her anger and lack of trust in me.

This one wasn't easy. I know she's at least been to a divorce attorney with a punchlist of her concerns that if to come true would be throwing the book at me for being a bad husband and unfit parent. When I came home today, more of my stuff was in the front bedroom. She has been cold and only speaks when giving me instructions on how to care for our son and to say no to anything I offer out of being kind and helpful. The dread and fear of my whole life collapsing is really setting in.

Day 52 - Love Lets the Other Win

BeckyA — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 18:35:16 GMT

My husband and I rarely have a disagreement. When we do, it’s usually about something big and they’re few and far between. In the past, I believe I have started most of the disagreements and they were things that really did not make a difference.

Although he doesn’t go to church, he’s adamant that our daughter go to church with me. She usually argues and says that she wants to stay home with daddy, but he pushes her to go. The church service went well. Daughter was dancing throughout all of the worship set, and I couldn’t even look at her. Everyone in the first few rows could see her and were smiling. She really gets into her interpretive worship dancing.

We got home, I made lunch and talked to my husband about whether or not he wanted to do some shopping to get ready for the week. By now, it was well after noon and he was not yet dressed. I didn’t push it. If he didn’t want to get dressed and do anything, it didn’t hurt me. I decided just to go with it. He wanted to nap in the afternoon, so I did some purging in our daughter’s room then mowed the lawn. We finished the day with ice cream for dinner and watching food shows on TV.

Writing though this, I believe that I did in fact complete the dare. Before, I always felt like I had to be doing something or going somewhere every day on the weekends. I never got frustrated that he wasn’t going to get dressed. I just let it be. Thanks to just staying around the house, some things got done that I had put off, and my husband got to spend the day just the way he likes. “Knock and the door will be opened to you.”

what can I give in on?

br0k3nh3art — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 02:00:17 GMT

ok, so I've done great up until now, but day 12 is hard. Our issues all revolve around our daughter, and his lack of relationship with her meanign I pull away from him. Do I stop asking him to spend time with us? stop asking for help of any kind around the house? can I say stopping askin with ONE part of housework qualifies? or bedtime for example? I am so broken up about this all, today is another of the really bad days, when the only way seems to be divorce, but I know that isn't the plan God has for me. one thing is for sure, if we make it through this it will be by God's grace and not my own work, I'm so insufficient to this challenge...And so selfish. And I don't even know how to tell him everythign that is wrong in our marriage. I can't bring myself to talk about it, I don't trust myself to have enough control over the conversation to even begin. How do you tell someone that you love them deeply and truly and tell them that they're doing so much that hurts you all at once? until I learn that I think my mouth better stay shut. Wish I could think of something more to give in on...selfishly I know I've given in on a zillion things since we got married, I feel like if I give anymore I will disappear into the ether and come out as just a doormat.

oh dear....

Manorahsjoy — Mon, 16 Jul 2012 09:22:37 GMT

Right so, the dare for today is to let my spouse win.

After all that had gone on earlier on the day ( as in day 11 post) this was not easy.

I am at the sink washing dishes and my spouse asks me to call the cable company customer service to get some help.

I am thinking, can he not see that I am doing the dishes!!!!!!!!

but hey, the dare must be done.

So I manage to get a yes out of my mouth and call the company.

I make it through 80% of the call and then my spouse asks me to ask them another question. At this point, I ask him to finish the call so that I could get ready becuase we were meant to be going to the store. Releif!

did I cheat? maybe!

At the bus stop, I tell him that I only agreed to call because he wanted me to but that I did not like doing such things becuase I know that he can do it himself. He said that he was well aware that I did not want to do it. so I said again, yes I did not but I did it because it was what he wanted me to do.

Giving in to this just cost me a bit of comfort, I cant say I look forward to doing it again any time soon.

Later on , we were playfighting and usually I would wait for a time to get him back when he thinks the game is over. Usually, by then its not really funny but atleast I won.

At this occasion, he got me and I decidede that I would let him win.

For about 10 minutes he waited for me to strike back but I said, ok you win!

then he said it "oh, you are unpredictable" and he still sort of kept on edge until after al while when he out his guard down.

it was at that moment, in the past, where I would have struck or even right before bed when its hours passed the playfight, I would have got him back laughed my self to sleep.

Unpredictable,Ouch! that hit home because its true. I have tried to change to many times before but what ever my heart felt was right at that time I did it and he has come to know that I can change like the wind. I just sat there and thought, that I am so lucky to have the love dare help me stay on track. I did not realise that this is how he really sees me.

Giving in to this allowed me to see how my spouse sees me and how on edge he is with me.

In the future, it has opened my eyes to really focus on the log in my own eye and not focus on him so much. I have always wanted some one to talk to me and help me. I believe that this love dare is an answer to my hearts cry because I am no longer alone on this journey of life.

Day 12 - Love let's the other win

JasonEmigh — Sat, 14 Jul 2012 15:13:33 GMT

Let's see, where to start. She isn't home yet again today and said it'll be a couple more days until she returns. Even though it's tough, I trust that God will give me strength to get through the weekend being alone with 2 small children who miss their mommy. So in letting the other win, I have allowed God to win me over and to give him control of the situation relying that he will guide me according to his plan. I also trust that he will guide my wife in the right direction. We received a request from one of my wife's relatives to attend church tomorro with their family. They are close in age to us and they have a daughter close to my children's ages. I am going to take the kids and feel this will be positive for me personally. I trust that the Lord will continue to work on me in ways I've never felt before. I remain positive and faithful, yet miss my wife dearly.

Day 12

BeckyA — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 12:44:51 GMT

I began the day not knowing where this dare would take me. A and I don’t disagree about much, and there are not ongoing disagreements. I prayed on it and waited to see what the day would bring.

It’s amazing how that door always seems to open when you least expect it. During dinner last night, our 6 year old mentioned that one of the boys at daycare tried to kiss her. I would normally blow this off as a 4 year old just being really friendly, but A got very upset by this. I told them both that I would call this boy’s mother and talk to her about it. I followed through with that after dinner, and they both seemed to appreciate it. The boy’s mother was also very receptive to the concern. My daughter told me later that evening that she realizes a 4 year old doesn’t always know what he’s doing, but she is not comfortable kissing or being kissed by anyone who isn’t in her family or isn’t the boy she’s going to marry. Wow! – and to think I would have just blown off the comment.

Praising God for the opportunity to give in on an ongoing issue that I hadn’t even realized was there.

Love lets the other win????

robn0315 — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 12:27:53 GMT

Okay so i'm on day 12....today is a bit of a rough day with this dare. I have a feeling that my wife might consider cheating on me with another man. I saw this man today, and have seen emails of them having conversations. When i brought this up to her, she mentions that he is just a friend, but nothing more. Today i saw him drop something off to her around the same time i was dropping off a fresh ice tea to her. When i confronted her about him, she got mad at me. I asked her why the secrets, and her response was...you don't need to know everything about me. Is this how Love let's the other win??? I'm so confused right now by this. I know i have made a terrible mistake by cheating on my wife. I am in fear that she will follow in my footsteps....I so want to go confront this guy....Advice please.

Thank you for reading,

Rob

Day 12...thinking ahead

Missy is Faithful 2013 — Sat, 19 May 2012 20:09:50 GMT

Is this a current argument oh one from the past???

Day 52 - Love still lets the other Win

Jenn — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 02:52:40 GMT

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Day 52—Love still lets the other Win

“Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.”

“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4. This chapter talks a lot about stubbornness—what I was queen of in my marriage. However, “Having the attitude in yourself which was also in Christ Jesus—willingness, flexibility, and humble submission will be nothing, but good for you and your marriage.” This is exactly what God has been teaching me through this journey—honoring the one I love—learning the epitome of patience just as Christ has with each one of us.

I did not have any contact with my husband today, so there was not an area of disagreement to willingly choose to give in to for today’s dare, although, I have “given in” quite a bit on this journey. It is more of a silent willingness. For example, I did not fight him when I came home to no bed. I did not fight him when he felt he deserved our tax refund. I did not fight him when he would continually and still does put my wrongs in my face when he was just as wrong. What I did fight him on was standing for I what I believe in—MARRIAGE, so I would not and still will not help file for divorce and I would not leave/move out like he had wanted. I have learned when to put his preferences first and when I need to stand for Christ and myself.

I know he is not going to see all of these changes through his blindness, hurt and pride, but with time I think he will and I look forward to continue to carry them forward.

love lets the other win... day 12

Natalie — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 06:04:02 GMT

if i had done this earlier in our relationship i don't think we would be here. lol Looking back there is a lot that i should have gave in when he asked me to. But i was too stubborn. That's my nature. I recently wrote him a long letter explaining why i am the way i am. It took a lot out of me. I cried through the whole letter. But i felt like it needed to be done so he knew why i didn't let myself be vulnerable before. I'm getting discouraged at this point. I'm making all these changes and he's taking it all in with delight while my heart suffers. I know i shouldn't be complaining about it, but it hurts. I just wish he could see in my mind and heart and know that i love him. I big part of me wants to stop doing these dares everyday. A big part just wants to move on. A bigger part still hangs on. Yes i will continue doing the dares. Not for him, but for myself. What i want is to be closer to God. And to be a better person by His grace.

Day 12 - Love Lets the Other Win

Jenn — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 04:02:12 GMT

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Day 12—Love Lets the Other Win

“Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.”

This is a chapter I could have used a long time ago because it “spoke” to me in every way possible due to my stubborn/controlling nature. One of the many areas I have seen myself change a lot in these last couple of months.

I knew at some point I wouldn’t be able to do a dare due to the situation and today was one of those days. We do not see all that much of each other and when we do the conversations are minimal. I will certainly be keeping this dare in my back pocket to carry forward just as I try to continue the other past dares as often as I can.

I was reminded again how precious and short life is. I went to bed with a heavy heart for the family of my friend who lost his life and woke up to the news of an officer being killed at a routine traffic stop while my husband was at work. He thankfully responded to my text as soon as I found out about the shooting asking if he was safe. He then made it home in time before I left for work, so we chatted a little bit about it. Before I left I asked for a hug and he accepted. I sure miss that.

When I got home from work I started cooking dinner. He was sitting on the couch before getting ready for work, so I asked if he wanted some dinner. He said, “If you don’t mind.” My response, “Of course I don’t mind,” so we had dinner together. It is moments like these that I think just maybe he is changing his mind about the divorce. Then reality hits. He ends the dinner asking if I got a response from the realtor yet. Well, I guess there was a reason I sent that email yesterday. Thank you, God, for your instruction…daily.

Day 12- This is hard

mebmtb — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 20:21:14 GMT

I've accepted Christ in my life and I have lifted by giving him my love, my problems and frustrations for him to mold. I can't say thus far that the dares have been failing, but at the same time I have no way of knowing if the dares have been recieved positively. I am in love with her (and when I say love, I mean I desperatly want to give myself to her, but she has avery non-chalant way of viewing my changes. I'm sure that half of it is due to her hormones with being pregnant with our daughter. But as of today, we had been discussing where to put the crib, which I bought for my daughter, in her home (we live apart with the understanding that we will work on things and we will hopefully be living as a family again before she is born) The debate was either in (our) room, or on the other side of the apartment in the kids room. Several days ago I animately said without even considering her feelings that the crib will be in our room because I dont want my precious angel with whom I fell in love with already to be out of my sight. She was bouncing with the idea to put it in the kids room. We left the discussion open. This morning I sent her a text saying I had thought about it, and I wanted her to make the final decision where the crib would be and that as long as we get to assemble it together is what really matters. NO RESPONSE ALL DAY! And I know she isn't busy! I sacrifice my control over how far my daughter will be from me during the night(and yes I'm being selfish)
, but as soon as I give that control over to her, I feel good about it yes, but would it hurt to say a simple thank you? I have been very good about not seeking recognition or praise since Day 1. But its getting more and more difficult when she acts like I've done nothing. I hope the days to come are more beneficial and that I can trust in God that he is guiding me where he wants me to be.

Love Dare hangover

cmango — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 22:05:49 GMT

Hello,

I'm new to this forum. Our marriage counselor suggested the Love Dare. I've been following along with the suggestions for each day, as well as following all the other suggestions our counselor has given us. I'm tired, scared, and feeling like I have a hangover from all the effort with very little in return, although I am seeing a tiny tiny bit of improvement.

My husband decided several months ago he wasn't sure he wanted to continue in our marriage. He didn't share this with me, but slowly moved further and further away from me. We reached a critical point and I've been working very hard since then to correct things. We have both done some things wrong and we both have hurt and anger.

When I first read the postings out here they were too painful. It was so much like what I was going through and there was so much desperation. I've since changed my outlook in several ways. I want all of you to know I'm hoping for the best possible outcome for each of your relationships and even if that fails, this journey isn't a waste. If you are spiritual you will be closer to your God. You will grow in many ways you probably don't even think are possible. In either case, the exercises are worth the effort in my opinion.

Even though I feel lost and alone and very afraid sometimes I know I'm moving in the right direction and I appreciate the authors of this dare very much.

Thank you!

Day 12: following feelings

HKOakland — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 07:06:30 GMT

UGH!!!!! I had a pretty decent day and was trying to rack my brain about what I would give into and let him win. I followed my stupid negative feelings and we got into it and started to argue and it just went downhill from there. The only silver lining is he is expressing how he has felt all these years. How the way I have treated him has made him like he's not a man or a even human. WOW that hurts but I can see it. I know that must change. I must pray for the guidance and strength to love him like I want him to love me......treat him like how I want to be treated. I have failed miserably that way. I will try to incorporate this dare into tomorrows dare somehow. I won't give up. It's just such a struggle sometimes to fight off all the bad and negative stuff. I have been giving them to GOD as they come up but I have to do it even more so when I become upset with him.

Hoping tomorrow will be better than this evening.

Dare 12

Jaime — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 14:48:04 GMT

My husband and I got along very well, and rarely had disagreements. He says this is because he just went with everything I wanted and didn't say otherwise because he didn't want to argue. Therefore it's hard for me to see an area where we would have disagreed. One area however was with pets. I am not a pet person and my husband is. He loves dogs and wanted to get one, and I always said no way. Since we have separated however I told him that I realized that was selfish of me to not let him get a dog just because I didn't want one, it was his life/home as well and it wasn't fair for me to make that decision and not hear him out. So that is an area that I let him win in, as I told him if things worked out that we could get a dog as long as we discussed some rules etc of getting one (like the dog is his responsibility etc).

Round 3 - Day 92

Melissa — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:25:33 GMT

What if you do not have an area of disagreement on this day? Your not supposed to bring up a past disagreement right?

Day 12

Dave_71 — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 17:03:33 GMT

Began the day in prayer. It's funny, I wake up once or twice in the middle of the night, every night and pray for Melanie and/or her kids. It's strangely comforting. I read the dare, prayed, greeted her with a "good morning, have a great day" text as I have since Day 9, and took my morning prayer shower. The morning greetings without response are really working in an area of my life that needed work. Before the separation, I would normally greet Melanie with a "good morning beautiful" and a kiss, and sometimes follow up with a text. When I was in disapproval of something she did, I would purposely withhold that morning greeting.... yeah, THAT'LL teach her!! LOL. Thank you God for revealing my manipulative ways and forgiving me for them.

Since she is not talking to me right now, with the exception of Friday, there's not much I can do with this dare. But for me, each dare is becoming more and more about pleasing God by being Christ-like, not about the actual action of the dare itself. So my prayers are that first and foremost, God will provide ways to be pleasing unto Him. I went to church this morning and was moved to stay and pray with one of the prayer partners at the altar afterwards. I walked up front and ran into a woman that was the sister of a co-worker that passed away recently. She doesn't live here, so I was surprised to see her. The special thing about this woman (Kim) is that back during a particular troubling time of my life about 15-16 months ago, her sister put us together for a conversation. I didn't want to listen to her then because she wasn't saying what I wanted to hear, but seeing her this morning I realized that she predicted the exact outcome that had happened. Wow! And I told her that she was right. She then told me specifically that she and I made the same mistakes and then the same choices to submit to God and change our lives. Her and her husband was separated and their problems were a carbon copy of the problems with my wife, yet he stood there with her a new man and as a Godly couple. She said that would happen to me. God gave me exactly what I needed it when I needed it the most.

She stayed and prayed with my prayer partner as she prayed that first, I would be pleasing to God, second, that Melanie will know Christ as her Lord and Savior and know the love the Christ has for us and third, that our marriage would be restored for the purpose of glorifying God!

What a morning!!! Praise GOD!!!!

I also meant to add that God laid something on my heart today. After a discouraging Saturday in which I was tempted many times to give up, I remembered that Friday a week ago when my wife told me that any more contact not involving signed divorce papers would be considered harassing. I was distraught because God gave be the dares as a way to be obedient to HIM and I prayed that she would just get out of the way so I could do it. Well, guess what. I've been doing the dares and she has not responded, except for Friday and that was with a little gratitude. God gave me exactly what I asked for, exactly what I needed, and I was discouraged in part because I hadn't heard from her! Unbelievable.

Day 12

matthewhager — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 20:05:16 GMT

Well for today dare i decided to give in toour argument on a water softner. my wife always wanted to get one and I would argue we could not afford it, and being my controlling self thats the way it would end up. So when I got home I was going to bring up that old confersation when she surprised me with a brand new camera and lens with it. In the past i would of started to ask how much, where did you get the money we could not afford it, which would end with a arguement. Today i stayed patient and calm asked how it works and so forth, no mention of money. I did ask one question about it and that was if I could use it to. I think i might of surprised her when i did not question her about it and I know I should not look for a reaction, she was very excited about her purchase.

Today as I plan for day 13 dare, I feel very calm and at peace not sure what that is about, but I keep praying to God for calmness and wisdom and for him to help soften her heart as well. We have a dance competion this weekend for our girls and her mother is going to be there, i am praying for calmness and strength to stay strong, last time I saw her she drilled me about everything. Not fun.

Rd 3 Day 12

chadloveslisa — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 19:22:45 GMT

Love lets the other win. My wife was asking me about taking a vacation, alone, to her hometown to visit for a couple weeks.I agreed to one week, then I gave in and agreed to two weeks.

I leave the house before anyone is awake and don't get home until 5pm. My main concern was our kids getting up, ready for school, and out the door to catch the bus on time. Her main concern was not having enough time to get away and think about us, our marriage, etc.

I gave in, I let her win. She's gone for a couple weeks now to visit and work things out in her mind. I feel like she's running away from our problems and leaving me and our kids in a precarious situation. That said, I put this all in Gods hands and let Him lead all of us to where He wants us to be.

Day 12/ Listening

cwest — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 01:02:40 GMT

So my husband has given me the silent treatment for a long time. He does not live at home, so he has completely deserted his responsibilities. Even when I try to contact him with trying to work on things, he refuses. Well, last Tuesday he actually responded to a request of mine for resume paper. We talked briefly and it was more of everything was my fault. He said I don't listen, which I do. The time we talked before I let him start the conversation, but he just looked at me for 2 solid minutes....so I talked. My father talked to him on Thursday and was more of an encouraging and a cheerleader rather than being harsh. I did not ask my father to talk to him. It seemed to go alright, but my husband would not commit to a counselor because they don't know him. Ok it is his choice.

Well, my dare for today was to listen without defending myself and talking about the way I see things. I sent him an email on Friday that said simply You said I don't listen, I want to listen. No response, big surprise. I called him on Sunday and left a message to call me back. He called today. We are meeting Wednesday. Why do I always get so scared when we are supposed to talk? It is not like I am going to loose him because he has already left me and everything. I could use prayer to prepare me for our talk or I should say my listening session.I ask for prayer for the right questions to ask. I ask that my husband's heart would be softened and that he would see God's truth for what it is and choose to follow it.

It is hard to take all the blame time after time after time. I realize what is my fault and the rest I let God deal with and let it go.

Day 12 - stupid iPhone

Serilium — Mon, 27 Dec 2010 15:36:01 GMT

It didn't seem right to make a big deal out of this one. My husband and I rarely fight or argue. Usually we let the other person learn on their own. Most of the time. The biggest two disagreements I could come up with were 1) his iphone and 2) his online activities.

While I was washing dishes at the sink after he got home from work it just came over me to tell him that I will not bring up the iPhone in discussion again.

Now this is huge for me. I cannot stand that phone. I want to toss it in water and run over it. This was a disagreement that almost stopped us from getting married. We were struggling to pull the money together for our wedding and honeymoon. Then one day he decides to go and get an iPhone. What really burned me up about it was the money that he used was our grocery money. Not only that, the bill for the first piece of our honeymoon was due in a couple of weeks and we were still short for it. Yes it all worked out, yes we got the money together. Yes we had food to eat. It just burned me up that we discussed it, I suggested that he take some money out of his checks to save up for it, and I was not listened to. He went his own way and did exactly what he wanted. I still hate the iPhone. It has brought nothing but pain into my life. When he was viewing his "online material" it was on the iPhone and not his computer. Once it was on his computer, but now its his phone. I feel like I have to compete for his attention with his phone or his computer. I can't stand it. :(

I have commited to not bringing it up again. So far so good. I had the opportunity to bring it up several times over the holiday weekend. Apparently my feelings are still displayed on my face because he told me so, I will have to get better about that.

God I pray that you will help me to forgive my husband, and forgive myself of my stubborn habits. Your ways are not our ways. Please make me willing to let go of this, please guide me on the thoughts that I think and the actions that I take. Please help me to be willing. Please help me to be the best person I can be for YOU.

round 2/dare 12

forever512 — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 03:59:46 GMT

There hasn't been much arguing around our household for a while now. Sometimes it's becasue we don't talk much- other times because I give in. Usually it's just my husband ranting or complaining about one thing or anoother- there's no clean dishes (they're in the dishwasher), why are there toys all over the floor (the kids are playing), etc. I've grown accostomed to all this ove the past several months & choose not to start arguments over his grumpiness. It won't lead us anywhere & it's just his anger talking anyway...

Overall the day was fairly uneventful. On the positive side though- my husband did eat dinner with us at the table today... He has been a little talkative again, talking about how he likes this or that about his nutrition plan, asking me for advice on the best way to steam veggies, etc...nothing big, but more than usual. I'm at that point hough that I don't read into it, I just politely respond and go about my business. I take time to pray for him whenever I can & I thank God for everything He has blessed me with- even this hard time we are in right now. I see how this year + of what was heartache for me was essential to bringing me back to the Lord and to give me perspective on our marriage and unconditional love. I am very fortunate to have this point of view, because I think back and realize that I could have easily been one of those people that just throw in the towel. I am so very, very blessed. Every day is such a great blessing for me :)

I feel like this second time around the dares I am seeing them from a different perspective. I started the dares in round 1 and for the longest time they were to try to win my husband back...I see them from a new perspective now. I see them as God asking me to do them for Him. I am here to serve the Lord & I pray that His love shines through me in all I do. It brings me happiness to know that.

This has nothing to do with the dare, but I just wanted to mention it...at my reunion a few days ago this guy I had the biggest crush on all through high school mentioned how much I had changed. We have kind of kept in touch throughout the years because we were always friends, but I haven't seen him since graduation. He told me I had something really great & different about me. I didn't think much of it because I figured of course I have changed in 10 years! On one hand I was flattered, on the other I am starting to wonder if I should limit the little contact we have. I don't know why I felt like this was something I needed to mention... I guess I feel a little guilty for being noticed & it wasn't by my husband.

Day 12

ap2 — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 03:55:06 GMT

Had an interesting day today

First I had a difficult converstion with my wife. She posted on her facebook that she seen this coming but she hoped that it never did, also that she didnt care just doesn't want to be a part of it. I read this and thought to my self o man she is talking about me showing the appendix in the love dare yesterday. I'll admit that was wrong of me to do. I told her that I had read it and if she wanted to talk about it. She said not really and I said ok and let her know that I was here if she wanted to. She starts telling me about 5 minutes later. First she asks what I would feel like if she got with this guy who seems to have caught her eye. I really didn't know what to say, I told her that I would be sad. She asked if I would be mad. I have been working on anger this whole time and I said no just really sad. So I ask if that was what that posting was about, she said kinda but not really. Then she gets into the details of the story. She tells me that her and this guy have been talking alot here the past two weeks since they met and that he told her that he might have some feelings for her. She then says she is confused and doen't know what to do. She knows what she wants in a relationship but doesn't know if she wants it right know. She asked what I thought and I said that it was a thought situation for everyone involved, because she knows that I still love her and she has some feelings for this guy and he might have some feelings for her. She said that one of her sisters friends said that she has feelings for this guy and that she didnt know what she felt. She has been tellings everyone that this other guy is not the reason for wanting to separate and that what ever happens between them happens. She then says that everyone thinks that this other guy is the reason for wanting to separate but he just opened her eyes to see that someone is willing to give her their time in the day. I then told her that I still loved her and that I wasn't perfect she wasn't perfect and nobody is perfect. I make mistakes she makes mistakes and everyone makes mistakes. I'm imperfect she is imperfect and noone is perfect. I told her that I loved her for this imperfect person. She was about to cry at this time so we stopped talking.

So on to todays dare. We had a little disagreement today about the driving situation. She wanted to stay at her sisters house tonight which I was fine with. Anyway both our cars have something wrong with them and we are borrowing her sisters car at the moment. I was wanting a ride to school in the morning and didn't want to drive either of our cars to school because of the problems with them. She thinks that my car will do fine but I dont want it to mess up even further and have a bigger situation on our hands than what it needs to be. I gave into her side of this disagreement and will be driving my car to school in the morning. I did the dare and told her I wanted her preference in the matter. She just said ok. Not much response at. I pray that my car make it ok tomorrow and that her and our child make it back ok. I also pray that the Lord teach me something from all this.

I do have a few last questions if anyone could chime in I would be thankful. Should I only talk to her while I'm doing the dares and not much if I'm not doing a dare? I ask this because we live together still and only have one car to use right now so I feel the strong urge to talk to her all time. Also should I let her know that I'm doing the Love Dare? She doen't know that I showed her the appendix to the Love Dare yesterday as she passed it off and said that she would read it later.

God Bless

ap2