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Re: oh dear....

oh dear....

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  • Right so, the dare for today is to let my spouse win.
    After all that had gone on earlier on the day ( as in day 11 post) this was not easy.
     
    I am at the sink washing dishes and my spouse asks me to call the cable company customer service to get some help.
    I am thinking, can  he not see that I am doing the dishes!!!!!!!!
    but hey, the dare must be done.
    So I manage to get a yes out of my mouth and call the company.
    I make it through 80% of the call and then my spouse asks me to ask them another question. At this point, I ask him to finish the call so that I could get ready becuase we were meant to be going to the store. Releif!
    did I cheat? maybe!
     
    At the bus stop, I tell him that I only agreed to call because he wanted me to but that I did not like doing such things becuase I know that he can do it himself. He said that he was well aware that I did not want to do it. so I said again, yes I did not but I did it because it was what he wanted me to do.
    Giving in to this just cost me a bit of comfort, I cant say I look forward to doing it again any time soon.
     
    Later on , we were playfighting and usually I would wait for a time to get him back when he thinks the game is over. Usually, by then its not really funny but atleast I won.
    At this occasion, he got me and I decidede that I would let him win.
    For about 10 minutes he waited for me to strike back but I said, ok you win!
    then he said it "oh, you are unpredictable" and he still sort of kept on edge until after al while when he out his guard down.
    it was at that moment, in the past, where I would have struck or even right before bed when its hours passed the playfight, I would have got him back laughed my self to sleep.
     
    Unpredictable,Ouch! that hit home because its true. I have tried to change to many times before but what ever my heart felt was right at that time I did it and he has come to know that I can change like the wind. I just sat there and thought, that I am so lucky to have the love dare help me stay on track. I did not realise that this is how he really sees me.
    Giving in to this allowed me to see how my spouse sees me and how on edge he is with me.
     
    In the future, it has opened my eyes to really focus on the log in my own eye and not focus on him so much. I have always wanted some one to talk to me and help me. I believe that this love dare is an answer to my hearts cry because I am no longer alone on this journey of life.
  • I need to confess that I did manipulate the dare abit.

    On the way from church, he asked me about the fitness store and I told him that it was further up the street and pointed it out to him when we got close enough.

    I said, oh one day we should go there.

    He said yes, when?

    That was the moment of manipulation!

    I knew that he was tired from his night out last night and getting to church, I knew that all he wanted to do was go home and sleep.

    But , i thought, well if you have the strength to go to work , go out for beer and sleep at a freinds house rather than come home, you wont be tired enough for us to get home, change from our church clothes, eat lunch and come back out to the store.

    Honestly, when he messes up, I know he is like puddy in my hands and I can make him do anythingh ( well almost)

    I even thought that he only came to church to please me but then,there have been times when he would just say no, he was not comming to church and that woudl be it!

    I am slefish, I manipulated him to come out cause I was mad that he did not come home and that he had the nerve to be floating like a butterfly becuase I had not tuned him out!

    oh me me me me me its all about me! You know what? I need help!

    My love is so conditional!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • At let you are starting to see it. And here is the funny part, he sees it more than you do. You manipulate him and control everything around you.

    Christ is trying to humble you into allowing Him to take over but you just go back to taking over...

    Read in the appendix about leading the heart. You will see how you do that daily. Step back, commit to prayer a few times a day. Seek Chirsts guidance and love in you..

  • I just feel sick right now to be honest.

  • Because you are still having expectations and trusting in this world. Trust in Christ and know that He will never let you down.

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