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Re: missed it ....again

missed it ....again

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  • Well, the day went from bad to worse.
    I am meant to do what my spouse wants but I really needed him to so something for me.
    I usually ask him to help me take the braids out of my hair.
    I need to ask him in adbance because he hates  doing it but I style my own hair and I feel that he should be grateful that I am saving hairsalon money by doing my own hair.
    He does not see it that way.
    So I asked him to help, he grunted.
    I then told him that he didnt have to help me with everything but just the back of my hair where I can not see the braids.
    He said, he would think about it.
    then he said , why dont you go to the salon.
    I did not answer.
    He said it like 3 times then i said coz we dont have money.
    He said, use my money.
    knowing that he did not have money in his accoungt ( becuase I keep his card) I got really mad because i felt like after all I have been doing for this guy, the least he can do is help me out.
    He just did not care.
    I stromed out of the house with out saying a word heading for the bus stop to go to the salon.
    Then the Lord began to speak to me and said, what are you doing? This is what you used to do and it get your no where. You still have time, just go back in the house so that he knows where you are.
     
    I went back in the house and found him on the internet. I was still mad and starting cleaning the house with anger I even broke a dish.
    I called for a taxi and went it came I shouted to him that I was going out.
    No answer.
    I said, I said I am going out, cant you hear me? He says, bye.
    and that was that.
    I was soooooo mad, this ungrateful uugggggg!
     
    While in the cab, I knew i blew it.
    The need he needed met that day, was to have me get my hair done else where, even at his expense financialt but not physically and time wise.
    I did not see that till it was over.
    So when I got back  home, he had already gone to work.
    I went to choir practise.
    Got a text from him to say he and his freind where going out.
    I felt bad coz we had gone out the night before and yet he still feels that he needs to go out again.
     
    Needless to say , he did not come home that night.
    One of the margins Iset in place was to not call him over and over when he is not home on time.
    This is something that he and his freind pick on me about and ridicule me over, so this night I was not calling more than  twice,  and both times no answer.
    At midnight, my he calls me and I just decidede that I would not answer the phone becuase a married man should no better.
    After four tries a text come in to say that he is spending the night at his freinds house and that he tried to call me but i was not answering the phone.
    I just  thought to myself, they are not going to say that what I said or did was a catalyst to what ever choices they have already settled their hearts on.
    I needed rest too and that was how I went to bed.
    Woke up the next morning, got ready for church.
     
    I tried his line , and when he anwered, Isaid good morning and asked if he would be at church.
    He said yes and I said see you later.
    He got to church before me and mybest freind said she took one look at him and knew that he was not comming from home so she asked him and also wherther I knew that he was going to sleep out.
    He told her that he had told me,( the text message ) and as far as he was concerned, that was that, he told me.
     
    Every one was asking me why I wasnt as early as he was to church and I'm thinking, you dont know the half of it. The pastor also asked me and I told him why he was "early". He asked me to say nothing to him about it, and if I could give him permission to handle it. Isaid that's fine. He said, for the fact that he brought himself to church  shows that his heart is willing. I know he smokes and stuff but lets just  carry on serving the Lord. So after the service, I went to greet him, (remembering the dare of the other day where your greeting should be memorable and meaningful) So I went  over to say hello, he was ready to walk away because as far as he is concerned we dont do that sort of thing.
    I literally, had to tug on his sleeve to bring him round so I could hug and kiss him.
    He sat with the pastor for about 20 minutes.
     
    On the way home and all through the rest of the day, he was chirping like a bird, so happy and free  like nothing had happened.  To be honest,  it was gratting on me but at the same time I did not have time, to want to deal with the "where were you last night mess", the same way Iset a margin to not call when he is out is the same way that I just felt that I want to be peaceful in myself. Love my neighbour as I love my self .
     
    I often think, if I ever had an emergency I could never call him if he goes out for ther night because he never picks up the phone and that annoys me. Granted, all the time he would answer the phone, i would be arguing with him to come home and he would just turn the phone off at some point, he just refuses to answer so that all he has to say is that he did not hear the ringer so that i can not accuse him of turning off the phone.
    Its so childish and I wish he could act more adult like rather than childish.
     
    On that note, In terms of the dare for day 11, I think I learnt that I can still be selfish in doing what I want and not being patient enough to take in what the other wants. In it all, he was trying to help me but he wasnt giving me the help I wanted. there in lies the dare that I missed, I could have met his need to day by going to the salon, that he would pay for...but I missed it!
  • You need to recognize that oneness in marriage is not about you. It is about what the one Christ has blessed us with is also part of the equation.  As you grow in the dare, and walk with Christ, He will mold you more in His image each day. It is there you will find the patience, the kindness and the unselfish person that you can be. Knowing that being one includes this other person and the things that now seem a burden you will do without a second thought.

    To love as Christ loves, you must love period, no matter if it is returned or not. And while you do Christ will handle the other person.

  • This is hard.

    I dont even think that I have a marriage, I feel like I have a living arrangement.

    I do not feel one with my spouse because he shows me that he is not one with me when he decides on a whim that he is not comming home that night.

    Very unsettling and very unreliable.

    I am scared for my welfare with this guy that I do not want to open myself up to him because he will let me down when I least expect it.

    You think he is holding the rope for you only to realise that he let go along time ago and its on ly God that kept you from falling.

    How do you then , make yourself walk in oness? Even Jesus said that two can not walk together unless they be in agreement so how can I be one with him?

  • The whole point of this journey is you and Christ. Your spouse is a tool that is used to help you understand the relationship with Christ... Remember Christ is molding you in this journey, seek out His will for you and everything else will fall into place.

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