So I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what I could do for my husband that lets him know I cherish him when he refuses to speak, text, or email me. Well yesterday I cleaned out our kitchen sink pipes because there was mold in them. My husband said he was going to just replace the pipes, but I figured I could do this first and see how long it lasts. I texted him about what I did. No response of course.
Today, I am going to send him flowers at work, his favorite since he is back at work, I know where he is at; at least part of the time.
I have learned or relearned that I like doing things around the house that normally the man would do. I like to be independent. Before dating/being married, I was a pretty independent person, but once getting married my husband said I became more dependent. I could see his point of view and I agree to a point, but then he accuses me of being too independent with making decisions without him. Hard to find a balance. But above all I still love my husband with all my heart and believe God wants me to love him the best I can for however long or short that is.
I remind myself of Peter focusing so much on Christ that he walked on water, until he looked at the storm. Lord help me focus on you only!
Got the flowers delivered. I had texted my husband if our resume paper was at his work. He actually replied that it was and asked if I needed him to drop it off after work. I said yes please and thank you. I am scared. I am not sure what to say or do. I ask God for the right words. After so much silence from my husband, I am not sure what he will do. My pastor also called to let me know my father had called him and set up a meeting for tomorrow night. We will see if my husband shows and what will come of it. Please be praying for my husband, my father, and myself. Thank you. I will post later how tonight goes.
My husband did not mention anything about the flowers. He said he became a person he did not want to become. He said he needs time to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. He didn't seem angry. But said I am the person who has hurt him the most; he felt abused. Ouch. He says he is following his heart and listening to God. I told him following your heart can be dangerous. He has been happy while apart because he has been able to do what he wants; able to hang out with friends, able to work more, help others. He said we could talk more; we'll see what that actually means. I told him it was good to see him. He said it was good to see me too; that surprised me. I gave him his Christmas presents. He said thank you. My heart is so wearied. I need God's strength every day. I ask that the Lord completes in us the good work he started. I ask that he protect my husband from the evil one's lies and deceptive ways.
Cwest...
When you told him about following his heart how it can be dangerous. Did you mention why?
He is lost, and it is your testimony that will lead him in the right direction.
I told him it was dangerous and used the example of a husband or wive leaving or cheating because they are happy and are following what they think is good. I told him it was just an example and I am not saying he is looking at another woman because he is not. I am going to ask him to read the part in the book about leading your heart. We will see what he says.
Unless he knows you are doing the dare, I do not know if I would expose him to it yet. Remember this is a journey with you and Christ. And your husband is the tool that is used in this journey.
Focus on your journey for the 40 days. You will be a testimony by your actions not words or forcing things on him.
Trust Christ during this time.
Ok. He does not know I am doing the dares. My father talked to him last night and my father will be talking to me later. I have to admit I am scared. Another part of me is ready for this to done; but another part wants it to work out. All I know is that I can not be the one to end it. God convicts me when I have the attitude of not working on it. I know I need to focus on God and how he is shaping me. With a little feedback from my husband last time we talked I have been able to look at my actions through his eyes. It helped me realize how sensitive my husband is to anger. And how anger is a very dangerous and ugly sin.