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Re: Roller Coaster

Roller Coaster

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  • Yesterday was a pretty good day, we had the grandson, we we're having a lot of fun. She shared some pictures with me and today she actually called me twice. Then she came home and I knew something was up so I asked her and she said " I just want to get this over with ". I am so confused but I guess she is too. God help quickly!! 

  • Welcome.  Think of doing the dares as a journey between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  Do not change how the dare should be done to make it easier. Have no expectations of her when you do the dares.  Do not read ahead in the book, except for the appendix especially about leading the heart.

    God is never late.

    things often get worse before it gets better, but this will serve purpose.

    She may have said she just wants to get it over with because after having a good time and calling you twice she feels she has to put her wall back up.  to justify her behavior.   She will be up and down like a roller coaster.  But you need to  be consistent in what the dares are teaching.  she needs to see that consistentency in your testimony.

    Do not try to fix the marriage, leave the control in God's perfectly good hands.

    YOu may want to try posting under the community tab, under that tab is a link to the Love Dare journal section.  Most people post there and more will read and respond to you there.  If you need help getting to that section, let me know here and I will check back.  Or, I will keep checking on this part of the site too.

  • Tim,

    My name is Collin Wirt and I am from Iowa.  My wife and I have been married for going on 13 years.  We are on the verge of a divorce and I'm the one fighting to keep it together. We have said some things to each other over time ( mostly me ) and they are just creating more and more pain.  We have 2 girls 11 and 9 also.  We have been down this road before I saw a pastor however he talked rudely about me to my wife so I for some reason quit going to him and also when i thought things were better I got complacent.

    About a year or so ago now, one night I had a lot to drink and I grabbed my wife in front of her mother and sister and my oldest daughter and left bruises.  I am and was so ashamed.  I have never acted out like that before and wanted to be crucified for it.

    She tells me she doesn't know that she wants to make our marriage last right now or that she doesn't believe me when I say it will be different this time.  Which I understand.  She also tells me that she is scared of me or what I may do if I get upset. Which I also understand.  I am so torn from the pain that I have caused her.  I feel like a horrible human being, a horrible father and a horrible husband.

    I love her until my last heart beat and I want to prove to her this last and final time that I will change and things won't the same and I am seeing a counselor as well.  I really want to change and I am trying so hard.  I keep doing these dares which she is unaware of and she keeps asking me why are you trying so hard now and how am I supposed to believe you when you've said this before.

    My only answer to her is I'm doing this because I love you.  Of course she says well you have been doing this for 13 years.  It seems some days have felt like progression but yesterday was a very rough day I felt discouraged and then even after we talked last night I felt worse.

    Please help me to see the light, please give me any advice you can.  I want the help to be a better man, husband and father.  I need the strength and guidance and I have been praying for strength however I keep getting knocked back down.

    Please help me.

  • Welcome.  Know this will be a  journey between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a  dare a day, no more, no less.  This will give her the  space she needs and help keep you from trying to fix things vs letting God fix things.  Do not read ahead in the book, other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  do not have any expectations of her when you do the dares.  Things may get worse before it gets better, but this will serve a purpose.

    And she will not trust the changes you are making, thinking it  is  all a ruse to win her back.  That it's temporary, and once she  lets her  wall down you will go back to the  same person you were before.

    She's chosen to harden up and it will be some time for  her to  let her wall down.  So, be as consistent in the dares and  what you learn as possible.  you will make mistakes but it will not be the end of the world like it may feel.

    Find  comfort in Christ not your wife.  Do this by putting God way above your wife, not  loving her less.  

    I am not  against enjoying a glass of  alcohol,  but it may be best to refrain from  it right now if you  haven't.  

    If you haven't confess your sins, including the things you mentioned, to Christ, and then ask for forgiveness of these sins.  And then accept His complete forgiveness.  Then no longer let these sins be an anchor for you.

    Post  often for  accountability.  But try posting if you can under the community tab, where the Love Dare Journal section is.  More people will respond to you there.  If you can't find that section of this site  come back here and I will check back here.

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