Still working on this one. I did carry over Day 9 and greet her with a text. I always ask God to speak through me to bless her day and I know He is faithful. I'm will have to pray about this one. It just so happens that a situation I won't get into is to occur at 10:30 today. My intervention, though not solely for this result, should lessen the tension of a situation with her ex-husband that had been building for some time. It shoulld prevent both Melanie's 9 year old and my 10 year old from any further legal involvement and maybe reduce the tension she has had with her ex-husband over just normal stuff. I am praying very hard about this.
Well, I decided to expand upon this a little as it was a rough morning.
Melanie's ex-husband and I did not get along. He would do some pretty horrible things in attempts to control or degrade Melanie. Of course, my being full of pride responded in childish ways in effor to protect my ego.
This finally came to a head when he shoved me a kids soccer game in front of his kids and my daughter. Instead of reacting, I called the police. He was arrested a charged with simple battery.
I had considered once attempting to dismiss the charges as a olive branch to help keep the tension down for Melanie and the kids, but Melanie was against it. When she told me that she was unhappy a little over a month ago, one of the first things I said to her was that I would drop the charges because I didn't want anything else to do with it. What I was really doing was trying to hurt her because I was hurt. I really had no intentions of dropping the charges at the time.
Fast forward to now. God has been dealing with all of my character defects, pride being one of the main ones. After much prayer and particularly moving service about forgiveness last Sunday, I felt led to apologize for my actions to both the ex-husband and his mom and request a withdrawal of the charges. I hoped it would keep Melanie's daughter from having to testify against her dad and give Melanie a little piece.
I wrote a letter of apology to his mom (he and I are not allowed contact), but I did make clear that I held Melanie in the highest regard and respect and I fully support her.
I spoke to the exes attorney Tuesday and arranged to be at the arraignment hearing today to make the request since the DA's office refused to allow me to drop the charges.
I prayed hard for this. The enemy began his attacks in the wee hours of the morning. Thoughts of being ostracized or sued entered my head. I stayed in constant prayer for peace. After sitting in the courtroom for 15 minutes or so, his attorney came to my seat and told me that all I needed to do was sign an affadavit that I was not being coerciced or under duress, and I was free to go. Done. Praise God that was all there was too it. A 15 month burden was released instantly.
But in the car, my thoughts strayed to Melanie. Does she even know about this hearing? Will she think that I'm just doing this to hurt her? Will the ex lord this over her in an attempt to degrade her like he does everything else? She already thinks the world is against her and I don't think she understands the love that Christ has for her. I know it's not the time to share this with her because it may push her away from God further if she thinks I'm playing the Salvation con to get her back. But she needed to know that I still stand in support of her even though it may appear that I am trying to hurt her.
I texted her asking if we "may speak about Tony's arraignment hearing. I would not mention us, but there was something I felt she should know". I really did not expect a response.
A few minutes later, she calls. This is the first time I've spoken with her since the night she left over a month ago. I told her that I would say what I needed to say and would let her go.
I told her that I initially threatened dropping the charges against the ex to hurt her. I really had no intentions of doing so. I was just being childish and trying to protect my fragile ego. However, over the last few weeks I had began considering how it would effect your kids if one of them had to testify against their dad. I began wondering if I had acted in a positive manner, instead of a negative manner, if things would have been easier on you and the kids. I don't have to deal with the ex, but you and the kids do on a daily basis. It was that in mind that I sent a letter of apology to his mom regarding my actions and my actions alone. I then contacted the DA's office about withdrawing the charges, but they refused. So I called the exes attorney. We arranged to meet at the arriagnment hearing this morning and I signed an affadavit requesting the charges be dropped. It is my hope that things will be more peaceful between you, kids and your ex.
Furthermore, I made it clear to the ex and his mom that I would not gang up on you and degrade you and that I held you in the highest regard and respect and would not disrepect you. I wanted you to hear that from me.
Then I said, "That's it, that's all I had to say". She said that she thought she'd be ok and I said, "me to, I just wanted you to know the truth". She thanked me and I said bye.. and hung up.
I don't know if this means anything in regards to my relationship with Melanie. I will pray not to cling too much to this conversation and that I cling to Jesus instead. But I do know that when you apply Jesus to a negative situation, it turns out positive.
There was also no mention of the divorce papers... me not signing... nothing. Just what I felt God wanted me to say that would lift her up... nothing more, nothing less.
One week ago, she refused to talk with me, she mocked my flowers, threatened that she would consider any future contact that didn't involve my signed portion of the papers harassing and threatenedto run my cell phone bill up until she got the papers. Today, she not only returned my call, she also expressed gratitude. That's a God-thing. No other explanation.
Everyday morning I ask God to grant me a way to be obedient to Him in The Love Dare. Otherwise, I'd have no idea how to complete these dares on my own. But really, what would the purpose be if it was not God's purpose for us to begin with? Everyday, God provides a way for me to be obedient to Him. Today, God provided me a way to love my wife unconditionally. He is always faithful!
The more you depend on Christ the more things fall into place. Christ will bless the desires of your heart there is no doubt.
As you focus more on Him each and everyday the less you worry about other things and the selfish desires you once had.
Continue the path you are on. And allow Christ to deal with her. You short talk went a long way in her mind. In fact, I would be willing to bet she is expecting you to take that one inch a mile and when you dont it will really get her thinking.