Collaborate without boundaries



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  • I start the love dare once before and gave up after day 8. I had a lot of reason, don't really remember any of them. The thing is he thinks are marriage is perfectly fine, I've tried talking to him. I've done everything I possibly know how to do to hold on. I've even been saved for a year and started praying for him. My pastor gave my some counsel and it's helped a little, but I really don't know how much longer I can hold on when I feel like such a burden to him. There's much more to it than that but anyway I probably shouldn't ramble on too long. I just don't know if it's worth trying to start it again or not. Maybe it's just time to start making a back up plan. Any advice?

  • Why not start again, but this time do it with the determination of finishing.  You will get more responses if you post in the journal section.

  • Tim is right. Start it again. The dare is a journey between you and Christ, one that will allow Christ to mold you in knowing His love, and not the love the world has taught you. Take a few minutes and read the appendix about leading the heart.

    The journal section as Tim mentioned is much more active with other people posting and responding.

  • Thanks for the advice. I actually just recently talked to my pastor and he has challenged me to do 1 kind thing for my husband for 30. I start friday and I was doing great until today offered to make dinner and g8t shot down, offered to help him with something and got shot down again. Oh well. And tomorrow I plan to deep clean my entire home for him. But I guess I could also restart the love dare tomorrow as well. Thank you guys for the advice.

  • Don't worry about being shot down.  Stay on this journey of becoming closer to Christ especially if it gets worse before it gets better.

  • I am always worried I am going to be shot down. Not only by my husband, but also by my friends and even God. I realize I have abandonment issues as well as codependency issues. But the Creator of the Universe is still working on me. I forgot to start it on the 18th. Life got in the way. Its been a rough week. And when I say rough week I am not exaggerating. Yesterday I feel down some stair. Actually it was nice to have some sort of reaction out of him. And for about two minutes he was actually the end man I married. Didn't know he cared so much. But ill definately be starting it tomorrow! And ill post my first day in the journal area tomorrow evening of how it goes. I hope y'all will be praying for me. Thank you.

  • Prayers for everyone on this site.  

    When you get shot down, ignored, or worse, let those moments humble you and bring you to where you depend on Christ.  Put Him first and you will find His comfort in prayer when you get shot down.  You can experience great joy in Him even during the times you feel shot down.  

    God will not shoot you down.  He may give you a yes, a no, a not now, or wait I have something better for you.  If He gives enough food to the birds in the winter, how much more does He care about YOU?

  • When you get shot down as you say it, think about this. How many times has Christ tried to be part of your life, but you set Him aside?

    In this journey, Christ will expose many things to you. That is why your spouse will now be a tool in this journey. Seek the wisdom through prayer. Because there will be very hard moments through this journey, but I assure you they all have a blessing tied to them.

  • okay, so i went to post in the journal section and couldn't find where to add my post so I' just going to post here for right now, as I'm about to get ready to go to church. Yesterday was easier than i had expected it to be. It was a day off from work for me soI didn't see him until the evening. but even in the evening wasn't too hard because he was just too tired to pick a fight with me. I was at work all day and he's going to be at work all night. so when i get home from church I'm going to make dinner for him for day two.So so far this is easier than the first time around praise God.

  • So I got through day two. Almost didn't make it without saying something just plain mean. But thank God I was able to shut my mouth. Made him dinner for my act of kindness. It's not something i do for him very often anymore. Today is going to be even tougher just because I don't have a car to drive to the store because my husband understandably need it for work. (wasn't suppose to have to go in today). But it means i'm stuck taking the bus if I really want to do this dare.

  • So how bad did you want to do the dare, remember what Sean said, your husband is just a tool to bring you closer to Christ in these dares.  Yes, these dares are directed at your husband, but doing the dares when they are hard is a way of coming closer to Christ.   And when you do a dare that is difficult, don't expect a positive reaction from your husband.  Be thankful that you had the opportunity to grow in Him.

    And when you feel yourself wanting to say something mean, make sure to pray about it before saying anything.  If you feel discomfort, confused, or stressed about it, maybe what you are wanting to say is the way evil wants you to react, listening to your flesh, not the way Christ wants you to be.  

    Let the dares bring you closer to Christ, closer to His comfort.  You won't regret doing the dares if you do them the way they are intended to be done.  He will help you in each dare when you ask.  You can do this.

  • I do my best to constantly get closer to God. I'm going to be saved for a full year in March. And since last March I've been praying for my husband to come back to Christ too. I do my best every single day to push through how I feel.

    I mean on more days than not, he makes me feel like I'm a burden. Sometimes I wonder why he hasn't asked for separation of some sort.

    God has made this a little bit easier to bear. But I mean really how low do I have to sink before my husband realizes how bad he's hurting me with his indifference and his all about him attitude

    I mean it's clear to me that no matter what I do I'll never be good enough for him. I mean why did he even marry me?

    But I'm rambling, I'm still doing the dares, I'm not going to give up. I really just want to feel loved by him..

  • If you're like most people, consider how through much of your life you ignored, sinned, and were a burden to Christ, and yet He loves and forgives you.  Then relate that to how your husband makes you feel, so just as Christ loves and forgives you, do that to your husband.  We are to love our spouses unconditionally.  Not based on if they make us feel valued.  Keep in prayer, the bible, etc. and growing in Christ, and you will find more comfort in God vs. looking for comfort in your husband.  And this can be a testimony with your husband, when he sees you happy and content, even when he isn't treating you right, He will wonder what he's missing, what you have, and what he doesn't, which will be Christ.  This may in the short term make things worse before it gets better, but I am sure in the long run all this will be worth it and you will be glad you stayed with the dares.  

  • This past week has been full of trasition for me. And I am a littke ashamed to say that I am barely on day seven. Making the negative list is easy, its the positive that im having aso much trouble with. I love my husband,  but gosh maybe I dont love him enough if I cant think of anything good.

  • Do you have the LD book?  Have you read in the appendix about leading your heart?  When there feels like there is nothing left to love, that's when you lead your heart.  That's when you remember that your marriage was a covenant between you, your husband, and God, not to be broken.  You choose to love him even if you can't think of one nice thing to write down about him, just as God loves you during the times you are not loveable.  And maybe your being a little selfish not coming up with a few nice things about him.  Many of us have been there, where it was hard to write down the positive list, and these same people after days, weeks, and months are growing in Christ, trusting in Him, and also seeing there marriages improve.  But everyone of us that are doing the dares and putting Christ first in our lives, will say this journey can be very difficult, but the rewards are so worth it, even if the worse happens, and the marriage doesn't improve.   Try posting in the journal section if you can figure it out.  You will get better answers there I am sure.  You can continue, you have it within you, ask for His help in each step.

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