Fear and doubt... Two of the greatest things that Christ will use to humble you....
Sean how do you combat the fear and doubt? Yesterday was a stressful day for me. Didn't get to the dare because of some family emergencies, but during these things yesterday I began to question this process? Do I want to even continue this journey because it seems the more I go down this road the more problems arise. And, this issue with him is he what I really want do I even care to be with him. I don't know. I feel I am back at square one.
Fear and doubt are apart of it. Remember Christ is molding you.
The greatest thing about our journey is that we can leave ALL our burdens with Him. Leave them for Him to deal with. Trust me, the more you do the less things that will burden you, and the ones that do, you will have an amazing calm knowing that Christ will deal with it in the best way for you.
I realized in my journey, my marriage was out of control because I was doing it all my way. And look where I was. I left it with Him. Then it no longer was a burden. Then, I get hit with an audit. I remember saying Lord, I do not know what to do here. So I give this to you to deal with. Not only was the outcome a great one, it was a year of nothing compared to the horror stories you hear.
Then I lost a significant amount of money each year. I knew God would provide, and he did.
Remember these dares are a journey. One that allows Christ to mold you. In many ways. He will teach you to be Humble, to trust in Him, to love others that you never were able to before, to forgive for things that anyone else would not.
It is then you will have a comforted heart. It is then He will bless the desires of your heart.
It is funny, I used to think the desires of my heart were money, love all these worldly things. But they were never enough. When I would get to that point, I would want more.
But now... It is not that way. I realized that when my heart was comforted and I really experienced a true happiness, a true love I could share, there it was, my desires fulfilled. I had no clue what my TRUE desires were, but Christ did. And as always, He has held true to His promises.
At one point in my journey, I was so disgusted with my wife, I told her. And honestly had no care if we reconciled. I knew Christ was going to put someone in my life that I could share this new found ability of love with. And I told her, be it her or someone else, I knew Christ was going to give me everything. This was in the middle of the conversation of her filing for divorce. She wanted me to do it. ANd I told her she was the one in the middle of the affair and wanted it, so she must do it.
So I know where you are coming from. But I tell you now... It is Christ working within you. Continue to follow His journey that He has for you. If not, I assure you, it will be the most regretful thing you ever know.
I really appreciate you sharing your journey with me. I get so discouraged because i feel like i am spinning my wheels. I try to sit still and say okay God has it, then anxiety sets in. I really want to be a loving person who is love and sharers love. True love. I am so anxious. I am a fighter and will continue to grow because i need it. I had to tell my friends that this a breakthrough season for me. I know God has big plans for me and my spouse. i think I asked but i am asking again how do you know when you have found the right one? The one your rib belongs to?
Now that you are in the hands of Christ He will make sure you know that.
Day 13 Love Fights Fair
I didn’t include him in the writing of these rules. However I wrote some engagement rules and some before the altercation rules. My number one rule is to check myself am I being selfish, Number 2 is to remember it is okay to be angry but sin not. The sin is in the action from the anger. In my spirit I didn’t feel that this was good timing. We barely spoke today. He sent me a Happy Mothers Day text and that was the extent of our conversation for today. I sent him a test last night telling him that I missed him. Of course he didn’t respond. I gently told him that I didn’t expect him to respond just wanted him to know how I was feeling. Afterward, I had a peace about it. I kind of made a decision that I would back up on the test messages, because I kind of feel as if I am trying to push us back into a relationship mode. I am trying to kill the manipulator in me. So, I am stepping back for a moment to focus on the dares and the messages that I am suppose to be receiving. If God leads me to text him then I will. I hope I am making the right decision.
Today I was asked a question what if God sends someone else in my mist. How would I react or handle this situation? Would I be open to meeting someone else or would I just be waiting in the wings for my ex who seems to have an unforgiving spirit about him. I honestly didn’t know how to answer that question. I guess that is one of those I will cross that river if I come to it.
Until then on to day 14….
Dont worry about things like that right now. You need to focus on your journey. As you see, and have admitted, there is still work needing done.
Tests.... That is a manipulation. And Praise God you see that. Right now be focused on what the dares say to do. No more no less.
I meant text.
Day 14 Love Delights
Today I learned something that is valuable to life. Everything is a choice. From love to anger. As I read the message that comes before the dare I think on those times when I allowed someone to dictate to me how I feel or how I love or how my day was going to go because I chose to allow them to influence my emotions. Emotions are self motivated entities. They become stumbling blocks to happiness because you choose to allow them to drive veruses you driving them. I have dicided that I will live on purpose. I won't allow my emotions to dictate my response or reaction to life.
Todays dare was to spend quality time with your mate for a summerization. Well we didn't get to do this because his mother has been hospiatlized; however I offered to assist. In any fashion I could and pray for her recovery. We were able to talk later tonight just in general and I was okay with this. I feel almost like it is a restoration to our friendship which I feel we had lost along the way.
Christ will use your emotions and feelings to mold you. Remember that. Do not think you can overtake what Christ will use.
Focus on your dares as a journey with Christ, Serving Him will get you where you need to be
Honor: honesty, fairness, a source of credit or distinction, high respect manifested
Looking back over my 2 year relationship I have to admit that there was no honor in it. I was very unfair and disrespectful towards my mate. I assumed that because of my intellect and status that I was more intelligent then he. I was ashamed of his appearance physical and mental. When in actuality he had it right. I needed to follow his lead. I would half listen to him, pretending to pay attention, really pretending to be someone I am not. I didn't honor our relationship. I put other things before him. I wouldn't visit for weeks. I was always looking for a replacement or a way of escape. Todays dare was to do something different. Well I listened. I gave me full attention to him. I didn't butt in, give my opinion, or talk soley about me. This dare taught me humilty. I thought I knew something about being humble guess not.
I see that God wants me to lay aside my perception of me and who I think I am or portray myself to be......
Humbleness is a very important thing in your walk with Christ. With that said, this lesson will be brought before you many times in the future...
But when you can recognize your own selfishness, it gets not only easier, but understandable.
Yesterday he and I met at Sams and Walmart because we needed to do a little shopping. We walked through the store laughing, talking and playing. I couldnt help that my heart was beatng extremely fast. At one point I had to check my pulse. It is funny because this had never happen with him before. Afterward we stood outside and chatted for a while he gave me a hug and we left. My friend had called and I told her where I was. At that point she losted askingn me why iwas talking to himm texting himor dealing with him period. Since he made it a point and his actions state he doesnt want to be bothered with me. She told me that this was unhealthy and i was wasting my time.I could be focused elsewhere. I was a little down after our conversation. A shorttime after I got home he text me and told me it was nice seeing me today. We chatted for a few.
Though i have prayed for us before I realize now that I was praying out of my selfish motives. This time I wont pray for the Lord to show him me and him married I will begin praying for his heart, and asking God to heal it from all the past pains and hearts that he has encountered while on earth. I will also begin to pray that his relationship with the Lord strenghten as well as God revels to him his plan in his life. My prayer for our relationship is that God's will be done and if it is for us to be together then he will make us one by teaching us how to be one and truly love each other. And that he would use our relationship as a ministry for others.
Yesterday he and I met at Sams and Walmart because we needed to do a little shopping. We walked through the store laughing, talking and playing. I couldnt help that my heart was beatng extremely fast. At one point I had to check my pulse. It is funny because this had never happen with him before. Afterward we stood outside and chatted for a while he gave me a hug and we left. My friend had called and I told her where I was. At that point she lost it asking me why I was talking to him, texting him or dealing with him period. Since he made it a point and his actions state he doesn't want to be bothered with me. She told me that this was unhealthy and I was wasting my time.I could be focused elsewhere. I was a little down after our conversation. A short time after I got home he text me and told me it was nice seeing me today. We chatted for a few.
Though i have prayed for us before I realize now that I was praying out of my own selfish motives. This time I wont pray for the Lord to show him me and him married I will begin praying for his heart, and asking God to heal it from all the past pains and hurts that he has encountered while on earth. I will also begin to pray that his relationship with the Lord strenghten as well as God reveals to him his plan in his life. My prayer for our relationship is that God's will be done and if it is for us to be together then he will make us one by teaching us how to be one and truly love each other. And that he would use our relationship as a ministry for others.
Pray for his salvation... The is the most important right now.