My wife had us watch the Movie Firepoof the end of this June, I had no idea she was reaching out to me. I remember watching the movie... thinking what a jerk the husband was in the movie, demanding his wife to do things for him.. not offering to help her around the house and so forth. Instead of catching on to the things I wasn't doing, all I did was focus on how good this made me feel to know I was 'Mr. Caretaker' around the house and for my wife. We watched the whole movie both commented on how good it was, and I, in my stupidity thought how glad I was we didn't need fireproofing.
During July my wife started acting differently, I noticed the 'I love you's were given with turned eyes and less feeling. My heart breaks to even type this, but a male 'friend' she talks to online was filling in something I wasn't....... She has felt over the years I put everything else before her, at first I couldn't understand.. I've been praying since she told me this, almost constantly and I do now see and understand how I made her feel. ... To be able to go back in time and backhand my former self would be the greatest gift.
My poor sweet wife struggles with type II diabetes and fibromaylgia, so she has a lot pain and frustrations with those issues. I see now I let myself become more her home health care person and put her as a wife on the back burner. My over zealous desire to help her around the house made her feel of less worth instead of showing what I meant to show, which was love and care. In a way, All these years I was inadvertently doing 'Day two act of kindness' but nothing else.Sadly she didn't know I wanted all the same things as her all these years too, but wrongly I didn't act and instead only focused on helping with housework, and so forth.
Right now she is napping in the bedroom, I'm watching fireproof again, but with new opened eyes this time. I just ordered the fireproof DVD set, how I pray she will watch them with me... give me a chance to show her I really really do understand and would die before I ever made her feel that way again. She is my world, my life, my heart. But just saying that is no value, I must show her that my failings we're from my ignorance, not from a lack of those feelings.
Thanks for reading my words, Godbless you all on your journeys
one thing I want to add is a question.. when we talked the other night, she felt I was just apologizing for things, I guess she feels I'm just trying to do things right with all that's going on. How do I convince her I really honestly do see, understand, and most importantly, I feel like a different person. Something changed in my heart, it's honestly why I titled this that my eyes are open now. I see her so clearly now and just want her to know I really really do feel this way, no way I would ever make her feel unimportant again and really never meant to in the past. She really has always been the only person I've truely loved.
Well you are a lucky man... You have the answer to that question already in your possession. The Love Dare. Take the journey.... And from the beginning realize that this is a journey with Christ. And as each day goes on and you see the things He will do to humble you and mold you, your wife will see it as well.
Marriage takes 3.... And with Christ in your marriage it will always be strong. But the real question is, are you willing to accept it? The reason I ask that, people do not realize that to become a humble person you will be put into positions during the journey that you normally would not handle well. And you still may not. But if you are willing to be a humble person, that will give you more ability to grow with Christ and prosper.
Now, I would suggest you start the dares and not let your wife know, but I am sure she will notice something is up...
Thanks Sean, your right on that. And yes, I started the Dare yesterday, along with fixing the main issue. (never realized how much mental attention I gave to hobbies over the years. Always figured it was innocent fun, but never realized how the attention I paid them made her feel) I accepted the Lord when I was a kid but I guess I just wasn't listening like I thought to Him, as I know he must have been giving me signs that my wife was feeling so neglected and lonely. Something really happened the other night, it's like God reached down and broke the stupidity barrier in my heart and I will never ever be like that again. I have such a renewed desire for nothing but communing with the Lord and my wife.
Thanks so much for your response, I'm on Day two now and this is a 'rest of my life' dare for me,
Check out the appendix also. It will help you with praying and it there is also a good piece on leading your heart through all this.
thanks, I still have to order the actual book, I didn't know which to get so went for the DVD's, then saw I could also get the book which I will do for sure.
It does sure feel good to get my heart right with God on all this, man has he changed my thinking on things. I just pray now my wife can come along on this journey cause man, if she will, does she ever have some nice suprises to look forward to with how I feel now.
Christ wants to mold you first. But your wife will seek what you have!
On another note, you can get the book anywhere even wal mart.
Thanks so much, I pray so hard for that. My worst thing is trying to keep myself together in all this, trying not to let her notice I'm on the verge of tears each moment of the day, I'm freezing cold all the time.
That is good to know on the book, I will have to go there and just pick a copy up, thanks for that, and for being out there. I have no family around, really not one soul to talk to during this, so I really appreciate your words, Godbless,
Ron (and also, my wife's name is Shelley)
We are here anytime you need...
thanks so much :)
update, shelley is turning back to God :) she has said she is done with the other guy online, I pray this is true. Pray for her :)
That is awesome. But be careful, it will be an emotional roller coaster for her. You need to focus on your journey still and be that testimony for her.
Thanks so much, I will, I will continue the love dares till they put me in a pine box and just be there for her. Hope soon we can even watch those DVD's together, thanks for being out there! Godbless!
Anytime.... And prayers are with you.
Thanks Sean, much appreciated!