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Can this be done when...

Can this be done when...

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  • Hi.  well i have not read all the posts in here,  but i feel like my situation is far from any that could be here.

    this is very hard to write,  but i would like some advice on what i should do.  or rather what i want to do.

    My GF and i of 4 years recently broke up.  about 2 months ago.  well i broke it off with her.  for seemingly no reason.  no reason that i know of.  i dont know why i did it.   to begin with,  we met at work.  and started talking and texting and seeing each other.

    well we moved in together. and for the first 8 months everything was cool.  we were good to each other. and had lots of fun. and were just really starting a life together.  well for some reason, i started getting the funny feeling that i should not be there. and i told her so. she said we take it day by day and see how i felt. well i never got better about stuff.  it would always be in the back of my mind.  so i broke up with her moved out and got my own place.  so to keep this story short, i moved back in with her and we gave it another shot.  this time we lasted another year before i broke it off again.  this has been going on for almost all the 4 years we been together.  i broke up with her about 8 times.  but each time she was there.  hurt and sad and upset mostly because there was no reason that i could give for the break up.  but still she stood by me.  because she loved me.  well about two months ago, i started feeling wierd again about things. and this time i broke her heart again.  we are still living together til we can move this time.  but no matter what she still stood by me and tried to work on things with me.  but i was ignorant and just plain not nice to her about anything.    so she started talking and reaching out to people who would listen (i dont blame her,  cause i was a jerk and didnt listen to her at the time.)  so while we are still in the same house,  she started talking to a guy on the computer. (he lives not far from us)  and things progressed and moved forward and they phoned one another and texted and she started meet him. and most recently staying the night at his house.

    this is really painful for me as we are still living together and trying to move and all.  she does not see this pain as warranted.  because i broke up with her, i should not be sad and hurt by the fact that she is with another guy.  (all this with him has taken place in less than a month.  i dont get it.  she even tells him I love you.....  maybe its just to tell him what he wants to here)  I know she loves me and has loved me so much.  she says she will always care about me.  

    i am still so torn and hurt by all this.   i feel like i want one more chance with her to let us both work on the relationship together and to get help for myself....(there has to be a reason why i would dump her so many times,  but each time miss her and want her back)  

    i recently remembered the movie  Fireproof.   i had watched it about a year ago when we were on a break up.

    i started watching it again.  and i  am wondering if i should share it with her.  or just start the dare myself  or just even just stop all this talk and just move on.  

    I pray to GOD to show me the way.  i pray for her as well.   I do love her and care for her.  I do not want to lose her.   i know that i have lost some of my responsibilities as a caring BF.  and just did not take care of her like i should have.  i keep praying for GODs hand.   but i do not know if she is too far gone already.    she says that she has no trust in me.  because of all the times i have broke up with her she cant go back with me. she dont want to risk it again.  she does not know if i will do it again or when.   i feel like i have made huge changed and to tell her,  is just not enough.  her mind is seemingly made up.   i dont know if this new guy is a rebound thing and she is just avoiding all the feelings of our broken home for comfort of another.   guys i dont want to lose her.  i love her and i know that our union is not built on the marriage foundation.

    its all but over as of now.    the only thing we have left is to get out of this house and paying some bills that we have together.  then, i dont know.  she wants to be friends, but that too will probably fade,  since she is seeing someone else.

    so again.  i want her to watch the movie.  and i want to take the dare challenge.   does anyone have any offerings for me as to what to do?

  • still have question.  we are currently in the middle of trying to get out and move on and she is already making plans to move in with the new guy. while i am out trying to find a place of my own.     how can i do the forty day journey if we may not be seeing each other for much longer.   after the 16th of June, she will spend more and more time away from the house.  i just know it.  things are changing so fast,  and i know that i caused everything that is happening  but i just dont know what to do.

    i think i am going to buy the book anyway and at least read it.    i still want her to watch the movie... maybe im looking for her to see that i am willing to change.

  • Dave,

    There is no doubt that the dare will change you if you are willing to accept it. And you need to understand that it is a journey that you will be on with Christ. However there are things in there that are reserved for the unity of a husband and wife. So, I guess you can think of other things for those.

    You can never go wrong walking with Christ.

    You need to trust Christ. In your relationship it seems that you are very insecure about life. You probably break up and get back together like you have for one of 2 reasons. Either you have control issues or you just need the attention.

    Either way, you need to give it all to Christ. And better now than waiting til these problems hit you after you are married. I am in no way saying that this will save your relationship, but I will tell you it will change your life. You will be happy and never worry about insecurity. However, the real question is are you willing to accept it?

  • Sorry if I am not posting this in the right place, but I am trying this for the first tme.  Should I let my wife know that I am doing the Love Dare?  She has seen the movie in fact asked me to watch it with her.  If I am not supposed to let her know what I am doing, what if she asks?

  • It is best that you do not let her know. One of the main reasons is that she may have expectations. Each dare is specific. And if you do something for a dare and it is not something that she would expect, then there may be disappointment.

    If she asks, then tell her you decided to take a new journey in life. That the movie inspired you to save the most important thing to you, your marriage.

  • You are in my prayers for sure. Chris, my name is Mandie and I have been there with my husband and truly understand your pain, I must say that God is good and he will guide you and give you the strength even when it feels impossible. 2 years I went thru until it finally worked out, it has been amazing. I am so glad that I didn't give up when I felt like it. Love truly endures all things. I commend you for trying to save your marriage and if you are anything like me, reading that book and living life the way God intended willl teach you alot, I learned alot about myself and how to do things the right way, note I didn't say easy...

  • Hello I started the Dare 2 days ago.  It might be a little difficult since we are seperated and don't communicate much.  But I am going to do the dare and expect things to change with myself as well

  • Hi Sean,

    I bought the Love Dare book shortly after seeing the movie.  I am currently on day 7.  God is showing me a lot about myself.  It's just really tough, because I'm just so sad.  It's been two months since he left and I miss him so much.  I'm just trying to take one day at a time.  Our 5th wedding anniversary is coming up.  I'm a bit of a mess right now.  I just keep trying to stay in the Word.

  • Have you had communication with him? How are things between the 2 of you?

  • My husband and I have been married for 10 years.  Recently I discovered that he has been talking to another woman.  I was so bitter in the beginning, couldn't believe that he would do this to me.  I have prayed and prayed.  I went to a counselor and all she could say was "you are a better person than me"  so I quit going,  We have an 18 year old son and he knows what his dad is doing.  He is getting ready to leave for basic training in the Air Force.  He sings with a group called the New Generation Singers which is a christian singing group that travels to different churches and takes a 2 week tour spreading the message of God through a sermon in song.  I told one of his best friends in the group that there were issues at home and she told me she had a movie and a book that she wanted me to see.  She sent it home and I have now watched it twice.  I am planning on starting the Love Dares as soon as we get back from vacation although I really do Day 1 all the time.  I try not to say anything negative at all and told him that I loved him and I had faith that our marriage would work.  He told me when I first found out that He loved me but wasn't in love with me.  He cant explain what he means by that.  I told him that no matter what I wasn't giving up and he said he wasn't leaving.  I am not going to tell him about the Love Dare and probably at this point the movie will seem silly to him.  I said I married you for better or worse and even though we are in teh worse part right now I know we will get back to better.  He told me not to start with that silly stuff.   I will continue to pray for strenght from God and I am turning my marriage over to him as I know he will take care of us.

  • The last time I spoke with him over the phone was in mid May, other than that it has been over e-mail.  I've tried to get him to talk to me over the phone, but he says he doesn't want to hear me cry.  It's been very friendly.  He asks me how I'm doing and how things are going at work.  I e-mail him and ask how he's doing and how things are going.  When I did the dare on day 2 and sent him something he needed to do his job better as my unexpected gesture he was very surprised and thankful.  For dare 3 when I bought him something I knew he wanted and had it sent to him he was nearly speechless and said it was the best gift ever.  When I sent him an e-mail asking him to tell me 3 things about me he found irritable he never responded.  Yesterday, for dare 7 when I sent the e-mail thanking him for having a particular characteristic he thanked me politely and said I had many great characteristics that he lacked and then he went on to say that he wished things could have worked out differently, but this is the best thing for both of us.  I've been crying all morning.  It's not so much that the things he says are new, but it's like a new wound being inflicted each time.  I'm in such anguish right now.  I don't believe that this separation is permanent.  The waiting is just very hard.  My husband not being here hurts so much.

  • Michelle, Why wait till after vacation to start? The love dare needs to work anywhere you are in life. Start today. Read the appendix. This way you will know what leading your heart means.

    And just an FYI. it is always best not to tell him you are doing it. Keep it to yourself.

  • producergirl,  

    This dare is leading you on a journey with Christ. And you need to focus on these dares and what they truly mean in your life. And as you learn to trust Christ more and more, you will see that he fills the voids in your life. Then your actions will speak louder than you could in anyway in the past.

    Also, each days dare you should post your comments in the forum. A post of your own, for others to comment. it helps a lot.

  • Sean,

    The reason I decided to wait until after vacation is that he won't be on vacation with us the whole time.  He is coming back on Wednesday and we won't be home until Saturday.  I am going to read the Appendix and have been looking at the dares.  I know it is a day by day thing but I think a few take a little planning.  I have mnay friends that are praying that he realizes what he is doing is wrong but I have a feeling it will take awhile for that.  HIs answer is always, why do you want to do that now you never have before.  My standard reply is because I love you and I am committed to this marriage.    Sometimes I have problems getting back to this page, it tells me something like the website is by Tell??? and isn't supported click here to manage

  • Not sure about the problem with the page....

    One of the things about the dare, is that take it day by day whatever the day brings. By not waiting or even planning the dares, it makes you think, it makes you accomplish without planning. This is one of the greatest things. It will get you into a place where you do not need to plan anything, you just do it. And if a vacation is in the way, you find unique ways to express and show your love from a distance. And if for some reason you are not able to do one of the dares, you can handle it when you are back. Being on Vacation does not mean being on vacation from growing in love or the Lord. Lead your heart.....

    Your reply is great.... How does he respond to that?

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