Probably are... And the only real way out is to take those things to Christ. Seek out His comfort.
Probably is... Commit those thoughts to Christ.
I have read some of the posts here but not all so I don't know for sure if anyone else has posted similar to my particular situation. I am the one not sure about my marraige and whether I want to stay in it or not or een if I love my husband or not. My husband is perfectly happy (so he says) with the way things are. I am the one feeling "neglected". There is no abuse, there is no cheating (I have thought a lot about it but never "followed through") it just "is" and that is not enough for me anymore. I have not had the strength to leave nor have I had the strength to bring it all out in the open about how I am feeling (afraid of hearing something along the lines of Well if you are that unhappy then leave). He has said in the past he is fine and doesn't feel he needs to change and always finds a way to turn my concerns/issues/complaints around so that they are my problem/fault, not his (he has done nothing wrong in his mind). I do not know how committed I am to the marriage at this point - I am scared to leave but I am tired of feeling the way I do. How do I know if staying or leaving is ultimately the right decision for me. I gather from most of the posts I read that if I do decide to do the 40 days then I should not tell him. I had initally thought of buying a book/journal for each of us to do "together" - is that not the right approach? Any thoughts are welcome....thank you.
Yes, there are a couple of others on here that are the ones not sure if they want to stay or ago. However, what you will find, as our dear friend Sean on this site will advise, is this is journey between you and Christ NOT your husband. Focus on each day's dare the best you can and leave the rest up to God. Do NOT try to manipulate any of them (easier said than done sometimes, I know). Read the appendix in the back of the book if you have not yet.
It is recommended that you do not do it together. My husband and I had started the Love Dare awhile back. Made it to day 3 and our marriage blow up happened. What a blessing in disguise that was at the time. A couple months later I decided to give it a shot myself without letting him know. I was reminded that this is a journey for me and Christ and my husband is just a tool in the process. With that said, I would not tell your husband you are doing it.
You will feel a lot of emotions on this ride, but it is well worth it whether it works out or does not work out to your will - know that it will be God's will and you will be a changed woman.
I look forward to following you on this journey. We are all here for encouragement and accountability (that is important).
As many will tell you here. I will be forward and even have accountability. And Jenn is right, this is a journey between you and Christ. Your husband will be a tool in this journey.
The success of the dares is not the response. But you trusting Christ and doing them as they are intended no matter what you think the response will be. Or yet.. Even just doing them even if you know it will create another problem;
Doing them together is not a good idea for a number of reasons, but most especially because it turns into and expectation situation. You will see what I mean as it goes on.
Also, do not tell him you are doing this. If you do, it can be considered a manipulation... Showing that you are doing things to keep the marriage going.
AS this journey moves forward, you will come to see that many of the things that are making you unhappy are more in a selfish nature that anything else. Christ will fill those voids in this journey....
Thank you Jenn for your advice. I had to somewhat chuckle at your words on manipulation, you know me already don't you :) I have lived my life being co-dependant and manipulation feels like my middle name sometimes.
Thank you Sean for your advice also. I have read some of your posts where you are calling out and holding us accountable. For as much as I imagine it [will] hurt I have to say your insight and wisdom is welcomed and needed.
It sounds like I have a hard road ahead of me but the rewards will be worthy of the work and I welcome the chance to grow, to change and most of all to become a happy, fulfilled, strong person. Would I be correct in saying whether the marriage survives or not I will be strong enough at the end of the journey (the initial 40 day Love Dare) to handle either situation? I am going to buy the book this week and get started and keep you posted.
YES - you will be a changed person at the end of the initial 40 days (God may be calling you to another 40 thereafter as He has for many of us - however it is a lifetime journey at its best) - I do believe you will be STRONG enough to handle either situation. Do not focus on that though right now. One day at a time. :)
You are correct. And if I was any other way, it would be of no help to you.
NEEDING SOME HELP
I started my dares once again from the beginning. This will be the 6th time since I originally started. For those of you who do not know me, my husband left the home in March 2011 and its been quite a challenge completing the dares.
I was becoming hesitant because my husbands behaviour has worsened and he feels extremely justified in his actions. He came storming through the house on Monday when I started DAY ONE and left a mess behind. I was upset when I came home and saw what he did. I really wrestled with my thoughts and prayed with the assistance of a prayer parter and I was able to complete DAY ONE by just calling my husband casualy the other evening and I asked him if he wanted a warm meal since he was working late. He declined but thanked me. I am beginning to have a real hard time completing DAY TWO. I prayed about it but nothing has come to mind as of yet.
HIs birthday is next week Friday and I am pretty certain that he has his own plans.
I was wondering if anyone could give me some ideas on completing the next few dares since he is MIA.
any feed back will be greatly appreciated
You need to lay the burden with Christ . Seek out the wisdom with Christ to find what to do.
After I wrote my post
I started to get many ideas for the few days of dares
They are tangible but may take some time
I bought my book today. I just have a couple questions - I am not supposed to read ahead to future dares until the curent one is completed, correct? And I should do the dares every day but it is "ok/understndable" if I am not able to do the one for that day, I just continue on and do it the following day or as soon as I can, right? And lastly, I should go ahead and read the Appendix now?
Thanks in advance for your help and support.
Correct, do not read ahead. You ready that day's dare - complete it to your best ability and that is it. There are days you may or may not able to complete it. That is okay. Just pray about it and do what you feel God is leading you to. Do not stress about doing it the following day either. Just focus on the dare the specific day it is for and that is it. Yes, read the appendix now. In fact, refer to it often. It provides great insight of leading the heart and praying.
Make sure you do not miss doing a dare becuase you are concerned of the response or the outcome. The whole point of the dares is to trust Christ and do it His way, not yours.
Today is Dare 3...good success so far. As I read the dares and appendix I have begun making notes in the margins of comments and questions I have that I hope will be revealed to me as I continue on this journey. I am very analytical/logical and a worrier and a Type A and a planner and a controller and I could go on and on....it is hard for me to not look ahead (but I have not!) and to let go and let "someone" else take control...
Here's my concern for Dare 3 - I am more selfish than I want to admit but reallize I have to and let that go to trust in Christ. I have not had a close relationship with Christ ever so this is new to me. Also, coming from living my life from childhood until recently as a co-dependant is making this dare hard for me. I have lived my life for everyone else and not me (and feel I got "lost") until the last few years I have started to do things and live for what makes me happy. I am afraid and do not know how to trust that I will not loose myself and be taken for granted by doing only for others (my spouse). Honestly, this really scares me if I follow this path of doing for my spouse rather than me and I loose myself (again) and get nothing in return (I understand my "returns" will come from Christ but I don't know how to trust or beleive in that, having no experience with it in the past).
Thank you for listening, I will follow through with today's dare and carry it forward through my journey. It feels good to "vent" and know there is someone listening.