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Can this be done when...

Can this be done when...

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  • I am new  and I actually haven't bought the book yet but I am going to. My husband has decided that he has had enough of me. He finds that I am a terrible wife and makes me feel worthless. I really do not want to go into the whole who is to blame thing,  I do not believe that is the way I should go if I want to give this marraige a chance. We have been married for almost 21 years and have 3 wonderful children.

    Well I have my doubts about the whole thing because the last straw that broke the camel's (my husband's ) back was the fact that I bought a dog last christmas and he hates dogs and wants me to sell it. AND I just can't do that, my children just love the dog and have become totally attached. It just incredible to see how much this puppy has brought love to the heart of my children.  

    I am not much of a christian but I know and have experienced the power of prayer and God's miracle and that is just about it. I turn to God when I can't fix it any more and actually only in matters of life and death. AND God has always made the impossible possible. I am just an I can fix it person so, it takes a mountain to get me to give up and leave it to God. I rarely do:-(

    Is there really any sense in starting this when I know exactly what would change his mind and I am not ready to do that one thing?

    Here I go again thinking I already know the answer to my marriage and how to fix it. I will start with the 1 day at a time and leave the rest to God.

    All the posts have been inspirational. I pray to God to give us the strength to go through this journey and end up not only saving our marraige but also finding a deeper relationship to God. In Jesus Name. Amen.


  • Comfort. Based on your post. The hardest thing for you will be handing it over to Christ and Trusting him.

    God put this tool in your hands for a reason. And what you do with it, and if you are willing to accept it, God will get you through it. He is never late. I pray that you can take the journey and accept what he can do for you.

  • Thanks Sean.

    I already have an idea of how hard it will be. I just had an argument because my husband talked to me and started with this  - it is not your fault don't take it personal crap, we are just two diffrent people and it has not worked for 20 years so, it's time to put an end to it bla, bla, bla.  Well after hearing such crap i blew the roof even after praying for God to help me go through this journey, even though I heard the voice in me just your pride in the way but  I just could not swallow it and failed dreadfully.

    I am glad I will be starting tomorrow and did not today.

    So tomorrow is the d-day. I will try and keep my journal up to date. God bless you all that have started this journey.

    Dear God, I give this journey to you , you are the captain and I am the ship. I trust that you will guide me through the waves and stormy water that are to come. I also put those that are as stuborn as I am in prayer teach them to let go and trust in you. In Jesus Name. Amen.


  • Comfort, it is going to be very hard. You may take wisdom from reading Sean's journals. Your journey will be difficult. keep going. no matter what happens, keep going. Sean is right, God has put this tool in your hands for a reason and for a specific time.



    Leslie Holmes

    Community Builder

  • shawn, i just started this process.  i'm looking through all the feeds, and you and i sound a lot alike here.  my wife and i have been married for 10 years and have 4 kids.  7 years ago, i made the mistake of kissing another woman and didn't tell my wife about it.  i hid this for 7 years.  4 months ago, my wife tells me she isn't happy and wants to separate.  she kept going back and forth about it, and finally i had to get this secret off of my chest.  the secret in and of itself was bad enough, but because i hid it, it became a cancer in me and caused other sins to enter into my life.  i had inappropriate emails with another woman, and put a stop to it.  my wife suspected something and when she asked me, i came clean.  now, she just picked up the separation papers and wants to begin the divorce process.  i have rededicated my life to christ and firmly believe that this is not his will.  she knows i'm doing the dare because i looked it up online and she's checking back on the computer's history.  she asked that i not "try this on her".  i like what you said about you needing reconciliation with god first.  i placed her as an idol too, but i also placed her in god's hands.  everytime i feel uplifted and encouraged she gets bitter.  i felt great today and she calls to tell me she got the papers to fill out.  i have the support of family and friends.  i believe that god has to do a work in her.  she seems so bitter towards god right now, and my heart breaks for her.

    stay strong, and please keep me posted.


  • You are not trying this on her.... This is a journey with you and Christ... That is the bottom line. She is just another tool that God has placed for YOU.

  • I feel you and share your pain bro.My wife has filed for divorce and she will not speak to me but I still attempt to do the stuck on day 39.I must agree that the dares illuminated a lot of things for me and about me and I hope and pray that they are doing the same for you.These are the times that we have to trust in God even when we see or hear nothing positive happening.I know it gets hard and it hurts but(believe me i know)but this is when a chance for a miracle can happen.Continue to show love to your spouse in spite of,leave the rest to God.He commands of to love our wives so do it and He will honor that.

  • I did the love dare about a year ago and it worked wonders, but we loss track at the same time of year again. only this time he left me when I was about to give birth to our third child. Its going to be three months now and it still hurts like day one. He told the kids he was not coming home anymore. My children are so confused and I dont know what to do. My husband had always been a God fearing man, but now I dont recognize him.

  • Jeans, one of the things I have learned through my time since first picking up the book. I was always using Christ and would only go to him when I needed him. When he blessed me with the fix, I always thought I could handle it on my own again from there. But needless to say, I continued to screw it up. But for some reason when I picked up the dare, I did not do that. I have kept the journey to date. In fact, my wife and I do the dares everyday together now, so that we never leave something out. We also do the year of devotions. This is a life time journey, not just a quick fix.

  • Hello to all.  I am new here wishing my wife was here too.  My wife and I have been married for 8 ½ years.  There have been good and bad all the way through.  We have a 6 year old son who we both adore with all our hearts.  I don’t believe we have ever found our connection.  I believe we both are guilty of shutting down when we don’t get what we need from the other person.  Several years ago I looked for attention elsewhere because I did not feel like I was getting the right or any attention at home.  I gave my attention to the first person who came along and expressed interest in me.  She was married too.  I soon found out that she was searching for attention too.  Instead of trying to seek our spouses out for help we just settled for attention where it was most convenient.  In the past I tried to justify the affair because it was not physical and purely emotional.  It does not matter, an affair is an affair.  I hurt my wife and hurt our son.  I would give anything to take back those days and give them to my wife.  We both went to counseling and there were some issues that were addresses.  We continued to fight in cycles and bring up past issues.  A lot of the time the affair was brought up.  She has verbally tired to forgive me, but I know in her heart she doesn’t.  Several months ago she bought us the Love Dare book and Fire Proof movie.  I tried it at first, for her, with no results.  Then I turned to God to guide me through it and now my heart knows a love that I have never known.  Just as in the past, I have always turned to God for help in my life.  The only problem is that when times seem to be getting better I wanted to take back over.  Somehow this book changed my life.  A few weeks ago my wife told me she wanted to separate.  My soul had been ripped out of me.  All I could see was the times with my and son being torn away.  A couple of days go I asked her if she had tried the Love Dare and to my surprise she said no.  All this time I thought we were trying to make an effort.  She has always initiated the effort, but this time she did not even give the Love Dare a chance.  I have invited her to attend spiritual counseling with me and at least give the Love Dare a try.  She says no to everything that I offer now and she will not change her mind.  She is very steadfast in her words right now.  I have learned that neither of us can change her mind only God can.  What makes it all so difficult is that I am working in another country almost 8,000 miles away.  I love her being a stay at home.  I would give anything for her to continue that role.  I will be finished with my work at the end of August 2010.  She says she does not want me to come home.  At the end of August will be four months since I have seen my wife or son.  My heart longs for the day I see them again.  I pray that God will let her see how He has worked in my life.  I pray that God will send his Holy Spirit into both of our hearts.  I pray for the day that we can bow on our knees together and give all the praise to God.  

  • It has to start with one. So why dont you be the one to do it?

  • I decided yesterday to start the Love Dare again.  I want to continue to grow in my faith.  My heart aches for my wife and son.  It so hard not to try and change her mind with my words.  I have got to learn to give it to God, get out of the way, and let God take over.  Every time I try to do it my way, well you see where it got me.  I praise God for never giving up on me for all the times I rejected him.  The love for my wife now lives through God's love for me.  

  • My husband confesssed he left me for another man.Im so confused, becuase he has never been like that. but even then Im willing to fight for him

  • I have read all of the posts in this thread and they have been comforting and invaluable.  My husband and I have been married nearly 5 years, but we have been together for 12.  In March he told me that he was not in love with me anymore and felt like he needed a change and didn't want to be in the marriage anymore.  Ever since we have known each other God has always been a part of my life and I have been a Christian for the last 10 years of our relationship.  My husband on the other hand has always been an atheist despite being raised in a Christian household like I was.  My husband also suffers from depression, which he was in denial about for a long time and then earlier this year he finally started seeking help for his depression.  It has been my prayer and my desire for my husband to be saved for as long as I have known him.  I was angry, hurt and confused when he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore and wanted to leave.  We went to one counseling session and the therapist was not helpful at all.  Finally at the end of April, I let him leave to go stay with his parents for now.  It was very hard.  I kept telling him how much I loved him and that we could work it out.  We have had our problems in the past and had times where he left for a month or so, but nothing like this.  The past month has been so hard for me.  I don't think there has been a night that I haven't cried.  I want my husband and my marriage back.  I keep talking to God and reading the Bible.  Both of our families are Christians and they are all praying and everyone keeps telling me to wait on God and giving me scriptures to read.  They also feel like God may be trying to deal with my husband and draw him closer to him.  I saw Fireproof for the first time last night.  I felt like God was talking to me.  I always tried to make sure that I put God first before my husband.  It is tough when you are living with someone who isn't saved.  I love my husband so much.  I want God to bring my husband to him, but I also want Him to repair my marriage.  I know I have kind of rambled in this post, but I'm just hurting a lot right now.  I really miss my husband.  I know right now I have to focus on me and my relationship with God and let God work on my husband.  It's just very hard.  Any encouragement or scriptures anyone has would be greatly appreciated.  Please pray for me.

  • Did you get the love dare book?

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