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Re: Day One... hardest lesson first...

Day One... hardest lesson first...

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  • I am blessed among woman to have a loving, kind, compassionate husband.  I am the issue. 

    At some point he stopped 'allowing' me to do things for him and it hurt, so much so that I stopped asking.  The problem was that, in hindsight, I wasn't giving him what he needed so he stopped wanting what I was 'offering'.

    We are still together after 34 amazing years of marriage.  He is my best friend and my only love ever.

    8 weeks ago he told me he was exhausted, sleep deprived and while at a training he knew what it felt like to actually sleep.  He said it was because I hadn't for over 2 years cared about what he needed to sleep.  (I watched TV at night).  I would also be texting with our daughter while he was trying to sleep.

    I didn't know it was bothering him until it was too late and he told me he doesn't know what to do but 'this' wasn't working for him and he wanted to leave.

    I was crushed.  We were the couple everyone looked at and said 'wow' they know how to do this.  Christ has always been in our hearts and our lives and so it made little sense to me.

    I tried on my own for the past  7 weeks to 'figure' things out, I was reading my Bible and praying, and talking AT my husband to help him know it would never happen again and that I know what I had done wrong.

    Finally, I remembered giving the love dare to a friend of ours who was in our small group when she was struggling with her non believing husband of 30 years who had walked out on her.

    I bought the book and received it the day he went up to the cabin for the weekend.  I must have read the beginning and dare 1 a dozen times this weekend to make sure I understood.  I took the evaluation and it hit me like a ton of hot bricks.

    The man I love more than anything in this world had a wife that scored only 21 of 143 in "attention".

    All this time I had thought that he was the one stopping me from being an attentive wife, and all along it was me not giving him what he deserves and needs.

    I texted him to see if he wanted to meet for breakfast when he was heading home and he said yes.  

    We met and I with a very different heart put the dare 1 at the forefront of everything I did and said.  He finally looked at me as I was listing with my eyes, my body language, no phone on the table, and said "what is this look I haven't seen this in I can't remember".  I welled up with tears and I realized he didn't even know what it felt like to actually be listened to and cared about.

    He's still here is what he tells me, and that is all he can offer now.  I pray with all my heart that the Lord touches us with Grace, and Mercy, and Forgiveness and I walk this journey with Him who knows my heart and will help me to be the woman my husband married and that God wants me to be for his precious child, my husband.

    32 years of wonderful life, verses 2 years of pain, my prayer is that he remembers me and sees me in my actions and changed heart and I move through this process.  

  • Welcome.  this will be a journey between you and Christ, not you and your husband.  he will be used as a tool to mold you.  do a dare a day, no more, no less.  Do the dares as they are intended to be done. do not change them to make them easier.  Do not read ahead in the book, other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  Have no expectations of him when  you do the dares.  things often get worse before it gets better.  If so, do not fear it will serve purpose.

    All the changes you need to make will happen as you do the dares.  

    Try posting in The Love Dare Journal section, under the community tab.  MOre people will respond to you there.  If you can not find that section, come back here.  

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