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Re: Can/should you take the Love Dare once you are separated?

Can/should you take the Love Dare once you are separated?

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  • My husband and I separated last month. I'll be honest...the situation with my husband and I over the last couple of years has led me to fall away from church. At one point I saw where we were drifting to and I prayed that God would help me and save me...I prayed for help and I felt like God left me on the battlefield. I drifted away from church then,. I knew God loved me and I knew I loved him I just didn't understand how/why He'd leave me on the battlefield to be slaughtered by satan. I would tell all my family that I lifted my eyes to the hills but I found no help coming for me. I have since been confronted with how much God really does love me. I understand that he never left me...I walked away from him. My husband, who began going to church with me from the day we started dating until about 6 1/2 years later, no longer wanted to go to church, no longer believed in it. He said the man I married that did all of that was not the real "him'. It was just what he was doing to be around me and he no longer wants to do all of that. I guess that means he no longer wants to be around me. I feel like I've been living a lie for our whole 8 years of love with a man that never existed.

    Anyway...enough about that. I was in my kitchen this past Sunday...lately I've been begging God to not give up on me...I still love Him...I'm just in a rut. For some strange reason, I remembered the Love Dare book that my mom had bought me about a year ago. I looked at my bookshelf and tried to spy it...I went closer to actually find it...I did and it almost felt like I was holding something as precious and reverent as a bible. I kind of thumbed through it thinking maybe I should try it. Then I argued that we were sense in it. Then I remembered the man I had been living with for the last two years of our marriage and knew I didn't want that one back...but that man I lived with for 6 years...I'd love to have him back. That was my Prince Knight in Shining One in a Blessing from God. But he's gone...if he ever was there. 

    Again...back to my dilemma...I don't know if I should try this. Is it worth it? Is there anyone that has finished and can say it helped them?

  • God has never forsake you. When you wanted to control everything in your life He allowed you to do so and sat patiently waiting for you. And now that you have hit the time to realize that your way is not the way, He is ready to mold you and have a relationship with you. Realize that the dare is a journey between you and Christ and your spouse is a tool used in this journey.

  • I actually started it myself for myself, even though I'm married.  My husband works away for 2 weeks and then is home for a week.  The phone calls have been getting fewer and fewer while he's away.  When I call him, he's preoccupied and can't talk long.His work has set him up in a flat he shares with another married man.  It's been quite hard to adjust to this as its like the children and I are on the back burner  all the time.  So basically when I do the dares it's mainly with my children. We have 6 children and I'm currently homeschooling 4 of them.  Our youngest is yet to start and our eldest has left home.  

    I have accepted my marriage is how it is and whatever happens happens.  Now that I'm on day 15 though, I am seeing where my character defects are showing.  This has been a remarkable journey so far.  Each day I can feel myself growing closer to God which is what I've been after all my life

  • After it all your life... And probably without realizing it. I know exactly how that is. In fact there was a song that opened my eyes big time in my situation.

    I was always after happiness and following my heart to get there. When I got the dare I realized how deceitful my heart really was. Then this song... Show me what I'm looking for... It was amazing, all these years happiness was right in front of me.

  • I've done the dare twice - back to back - and the answer to your question is "Yes!" Doing the Love Dare is worth it and it does help you! You can not imagine the change in you, the way you "see" Christ working in your life, if you are only prepared to let Him. Go for it! Your life will never be the same! Take the journey with Christ.

  • So the real question is. Did you come back and take our advice?

  • My wife has taken our 2 children and left the state. I still love her, and don't want to give up on our marriage. She says she has already given up and refuses to talk about our relationship.  Is there a way for me to still do the dare?

  • Yes there is .  many people have done the dares from being seperated by many miles.  Do a dare a day, no more no less.  And realize this will be a journey between you and Christ.  Not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.

    Have no expecttions of how she will react to you doing the dares.  It may get worse efore it gets better.

    It will be harder to accomplish the dares in your circumstance, but there will be blessings in that.

    Try posting in the love dare journal section, under the community tab.  This section often gets overlooked.  If you click on your name onthe top you will see a red bubble.  Click on that and you will be lead to the LD journal section.


  • My husband left me after 5 months of being married. He said there is no longer any connection between us and that he does not love me anymore. It has been 2 months since we separated. I really wanted to save our marriage hence I chose to take teh dare. Im on Day 4 now and I am having a hard time since he does not answer my calls. How will I complete the dare?

  • Try reading the dare early in the morning and pray on how to accomplish the dare.God often opens doors in ways to accomplish the dare when we see no way to do the dare.  Many of us are still living with our spouse, but our spouse may only spend moments at home, often when we are not there, it is almost as if we are completely separated.  Do a dare a day the best you can.

  • My ex-fiance and I were living together.  Originally we were going to get married this year, but decided to put off the wedding til next year and buy a house.  I was surprised and shocked when after a month in our new home he told me that he wanted to put a hold on our relationship.  That he loved me but wasn't in love with me. I honestly thought everything was alright - sure we had our squabbles, but what I didn't see was my attitude toward him was terrible - so terrible that he fell out of love with me.

    We are still living in the same house which at time can help with the Love Dare (but at times can be a hindrance when he wants space). Even though we live together he says we are just friends.  It's so difficult because we've had a 13 year relationship.  But I plugged through the dailies that I could complete, and completed others in ways that I felt he would respond well to.  

    I'm on day 38, and no we aren't magically together, but the Love Dare has changed me immensely, and I can see some of the changes happening in him, too.  I'm hoping to reignite the spark at some point, but I can tell right now he is really confused and doesn't really see much of a future - especially with me.  All of his symptoms suggest a midlife crisis, so I don't want to push too hard, and really just want to be there for him.  

    Someone said something in one of those posts that really struck me.  I was idolizing the thought of getting back together with him.  It was consuming me.  I was doing everything in my power that I could think of.  While I've tried to put it in God's hands, I still wasn't giving him the steering wheel.  I need to put God first in my life, trust God, and the rest will fall into place.  

    I am happy to share though, that we have been praying together daily since Christmas (the last couple dares I've done a little out of order). I still haven't asked him to read the Bible with me, though.  He is spiritual, and not religious, so I can see him being more receptive to praying than reading the Bible, but I'll give it a try.

  • AS you have seen the dares are a journey between you and Christ, not you and him.  Do another round, but keep in mind there's a dare or two that are only for married couples.  

    If you choose to do another round, do not manipulate the dares in any way, such as doing them out of order, reading ahead (other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart), or changing how the dare should be done because you think he will respond better if you do it your way.  Trust Christ in doing the dares as they are intended to be done.

    Welcome.  Try posting in the love dare journal section, under the community section.  More people will respond to you there.

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