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Re: heavy heart

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heavy heart

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  • Posted by
    on 5 Jul 2012 5:09 AM
    I got through day one ok but my heart is so heavy, I am just content knowing that I am doing this for God.
    I am tired of doing things to try and win over my spouse.
     
    I had a dream last night of all sorts of transport delays, I saw the women my husband cheated with putting on make up, it was like i was running in circles trying to find the way to work, then some lady came to help me and I knew that my office was around the corner.
    I asked God for the meaning and He told me that i needed to pray against any distractions that would come to delay my breakthrough in this challenge and also to break unholy connections that my spouse and I have towards the city where my husband had the affair because in the dream, I was in that city.
     
    Any way, the night before the challenge my husband and his freind went out for a drink. His freind is single and ready to mingle, my husband behaves like he is too. I was so angry that he came home late, wasnt answering his phone when i called and then came home to ask me to pay for the taxi he took home and demanded dinner, at 1AM in the morning! I payed for the taxi but refused to cook. He had been home al day and all i found at home where beer bottles that he and his freind had been drinking.
    I ate left overs but he wanted a fresh meal!
    He missed his time to be home by 8pm and strolled in at 1am.
    As far as he was concerned, Iwas out of order and as a wife, I should no better.
     
    So, when I got home last night of the Day 1, I didnt say much to my spouse becasuse i didnt have much to say. He didnt push to talk much either so that was nice cause i didnt have much nice things to say to him any way.
    I found that he made dinner, which is the rule if he has the day off then he has to cook. I thanked him for the meal, did my nails, exercised and went to bed. He in the mean time was on his ipone doing what ever he does (chat to women etc).
     
    I woke up in the middle of the night to a kiss, opened my eyes and found him starring at me.
    Not wanting to think much of it, I just closed my eyes and went back to bed.
    I do not have time to try and process what is going on in his head, I have a race to run and I thank God that I have the next 39 days to do things between God and I, whatever externalities will spill over into the marriage will be to the Glory of God.
  • Posted by
    on 5 Jul 2012 5:51 AM

    In this journey you are correct that it is one between you and Christ, but remember your spouse is the tool Christ will use to mold you.

    Christ wants you. One with your husband so that your testimony is strong.

  • Posted by
    on 6 Jul 2012 6:22 AM

    thank you Sean,

    I just need time to get that in my heart coz i am so tired right now. I feel like i need to be carried along by the Word over these next few days. I see this love dare as a blanket to protect me from hurt comming from him or myself when i do not get my own way.

    I know i sound bitter, its because i am tired and I just want to run and be with the Lord.

    I finally feel like i have a freind in Christ, who can understand me and help me avoid the pits, not talk me down when I'm in the pitts.

    well, my husband is the tool, oh well, the Lord picked a chain saw of a man to work on me!

  • Posted by
    on 7 Jul 2012 7:04 AM

    It is more than letting the word carry you. Christ wants to build a relationship with you. One where you depend on Him. And part of that is doing these dares as they are intended and becoming one with your spouse, remember the marriage is all a apart of your walk with Christ. Pray for Chirsts strength in you  to get going on this journey

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