After a huge fight that my husband and I went through a couple of days ago, things were still very shaky between us. Gist of the story is, he cheated on me, I caught him...he said it's over but it's not...we went back and forth, on and on for two months. Every time he tries to convince me that it's no longer going to work because he had killed our marriage and me trying to tell him that we still haven't tried hard enough. The same old story for the past two months. He asks me why I still want to hold on when he has hurt me so much and that I know I can never trust him again. I answer him every time, that I love him enough to accept that he is not perfect and capable of mistakes. While it is true that I have forgiven him, my mind is severely poisoned. In fact, up to this minute I still think that he is lying to me. But, I decided to put this matter into God's hands. Because I believe that He did not bring the two of us together only to hurt each other this way. I still believe with all my heart that we love each other and we were both just hurt with all that was said and all that has happened between us since his betrayal. So, here I am...taking the love dare. I have faith in God and I know He will not give me this test if He is not going to help me through it.
After deciding to start on this love dare, I kept reminding myself..."LOVE IS PATIENT'. I have to show him patience, hold my tongue if there wasn't anything good that I can say. We were about to argue again on the phone yesterday but I explained to him in a very gentle tone what I meant about what I previously said that he misinterpreted. He was asking me to go to Florida instead of attending his family's reunion and I told him that if he wanted to go to the reunion but did not want to go with me, I wouldn't mind staying behind. Then he said, if I didn't want to go to Florida with him, I just need to tell him and not make excuses. So, I explained to him that I was just worried that I might be keeping him from all the fun at the reunion because he was avoiding a fight with me if we went. I told him, I didn't mean anything bad with what I said and in fact I thought I was being nice by offering him that option. He immediately calmed down, and started to hold a conversation. It was a little strained at first, but I knew we were going to warm up eventually. And we did! We went to pick up something for dinner, we talked and chatted all the way home. We showered together like we used to, took the dog out, did everything that we do together...keeping the conversation running all the while. I could feel that he was starting to relax and was slowly letting his guard down. When we watched TV, he was sitting at the dinner table and I was sprawled on the floor. I asked him to come sit next to me on the floor. Not only did he do that but he laid on the floor and put his head on my back (he uses my back as a pillow when watching tv). I knew in my heart that things will be ok between us. He might still be keeping things from me or lying to me now...I might still be paranoid from time to time but I know that if I keep in mind all the things that I can learn from this dare, God will bring us together again. God will guide me in restoring my marriage.
The road will get harder before it will get easier. Focus on Christ and understand this journey is one between you and Christ and your husband is a tool. You will be humbled.
Trust Christ everytime those thoughts come in your head.