I have been dating this guy for two and a half years. WE have had some rough patches, but we were able to pull through it. Well earlier this month out of my own foolish I was having some emotional issues and accused him of cheating on me. He is a member of a social networking site that he has met women on before. I know this I have expressed my concerns regarding this sight and how it makes me feel. Well I secretly created an account so that I could monitor how often he went on. I didn't know who me was talking to or what he was doing and it enraged me. So I lashed out at him. Well needless to say he doesn't know I was monitoring him and this site. However he hasn't spoken to me in almost three weeks. I have begged and pleaded for him to speak to me. He doesn't even want to see me. This truly hurts my heart. I don't know what to do.I ask him if he wants to call it quits he won't respond. I have asked for my belongings out of his house he won't respond. I hurt so much and have expressed this to him. Which to me it seems he doesn't care.
I was watching Fireproof the other night and realized that I have had the book for well over a year and had never read it. I took it to work and decided that skim through it. I read the first pages and decided hey I will try this. I am on day 8 and i am stuck. I read someones post and got convicted, because I realized that I was only trying to patch the relationship. So, now I am at a crossroads to I start over or do I continue with where I am with this new outlook on the situation,. Honestly, I don't even know if I want to continue in the relationship. I feel that a person who just cuts you off with out discussing the issue isn't worth it in my book. I am so confused right now. I don't know what to do. I know God and he speaks to me, but with this situation I am stuck. I thought I was a person who loves unconditionally, but I am quickly learning that I am no better than he is.....What do I do?
Continue the dare. To at least learn about yourself. You will learn how manipulative you have been, how selfish, how unkind etc... You need to know these things now.
Others here are learning this while in a marriage, one that is being torn apart.
Read the appendix. The part about leading your heart and not following it.
When you live of the world, and not of Christ, you find yourself never satisfied. You find that your attempts to control are not enough which turns you to manipulation when desperate.
This journey you can take (the dares) will teach you how to love unconditionally. How to love as Christ does. He will mold you through each day. But this is not something that will be easy. Christ will expose all your flaws...
But the rewards are unbelievable. A happiness that you never dreamed possible. The real question is are you willing to accept what comes with it.
Sean, I thank you so much for your insight and wisdom. When I read this post I was speechless, because it is so true. I am so convicted. Just reading the first line is an eye opener for me. Because I have been all of that. And it is all out of fear of love. Even as i write this i am tearing up because I know it is true. I am so afraid to love. I am afraid of being hurt. So. afraid that I hurt others and myself when it doesnt have to be that way. I will continue the dare because i need to heal and learn how to love and that i am worthy to be loved. Should i continue to do the dares on this guy, because he told me today that he "doesnt think that he wants to continue with our relationship"?
That is something you should pray about. But understand this. The dare is a journey. One with Christ. Not the other person. Christ will mold you through this journey more in His image everyday.
With that said, you can do this in your life period. With anyone you come across. It works better when the person here in earth you have put before Christ is tearing you up, because you depend more on Christ in the times of trouble.
The other guys rejection will humble you in many ways. Instead of getting revenge or responding with the same, to be Christ-like you will respond differently.
But it comes down to prayer...
Because I am so confused I don't know if I would hear the Lord regarding him. Yesterday I went over to collect my belongings and we talked openly. Not about getting back together but about our relationship. We laughed and talked, which brings me to today. I am even more confused today about this thing. I left to go out of town today so I sent him a text to let him know I made it. I was greeted with silence.
I am so stuck. He is the only person rejecting me at this present time. I would love for us to work.....uggggggghhhhh
I went to unpack my bags from the car. I had already made up in my mind that i was not going to continue the dare. I was and still am to some point up set that he didn't respond to my text. As I was sitting on the couch feeling sorry for my self because he did not respond I had a revelation. Yesterday when he and I spoke there was soemthings that i appologized to him for. One was for trying to maniuplate/control our situation,. He stated yeah like coming over here to get your clothes. I was like naw. they are my clothes. He stated you don't care anything about those clothes, and the truth of the matter he was right. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to see my pain and say oh don't worry about it we can work it out. I went over there with the wrong motives trying to fix the situation myself. Not allowing God to work on me and him as he sees fit. I prayed and asked God when I first met this man to reveal himself to me if he was the one for me. I got an answer. But because of my distructive behavior I have messed things up. He told me that he knew that i was trying to manipulate the situation.
And yesterday i went over there thinking i could change the situation and that he would be running back to me, and WRONG am I. I probably pushed him away. When I got my bags out i got my books out. I really need to change my behaviors not for this situation but period. If i do this to him, then who else am I doing it too. That makes me worry. So, I will continue from day 8 which I stopped at. And yes, i will continue to do this with him because it is about the journey not the realationship. I have got to learn to control my emotions.
Go read the warning again in the beginning of the book. That is the most understated warning I ever seen.
Remember, you are now on a journey with Christ. One that you asked for. Which means nothing can pluck you from His hands. Including you not wanting to.
And when you feel that you want to quit. Always remember these words. BE STILL... FOR I AM GOD!
Today is a good day. I had a chance to speak with a new old friend. I am joining the disciple class that she hosts everyThursday. I am very excited about taking this class. I feel I am getting the opportunity to learn how to form a relationship with God which will strenghten my relationship with other people. I am on day 9 with my dare and it went well. It opened the communication gate between he and I. I had to consult God as to what I am to say to him. Today was a good day. Submitting to God can be pretty good.
It is amazing how easy things can become when you humble yourself. And the eye opening of the past.
Your journey will grow always.
Today was day 10 for me. I wasn't able to complete the dare because we so not live in the same house. However, i offered to his grocery shopping. He said no thank you,but said he would go tomorrow with me. That is a step. The reading was invigorating for me. I was excited to read . The part that stood out to me the most was "but you will struggle to attain this type of marriage unless you allow God to begin growing his love within you." Since I have began this journey I have felt a tug at my spirit. I feel light and fluffy. I am beginning to notice the way i interact with other people is changing. Reading this day made me think about the relationship that I am in. I began answering the first question that asked why do you love your spouse. There shouldn't be a because, it should simply because I do.I have been running around searching and seeking, asking and questioning if this is the one; when realistically the one is God. He is the source to a loving relationship. I had a person tell me oh he is not good enough for you. Is that possible? Seems like if God put you together then he can make the wrongs right.
Be careful listening to people of the world, the flesh. In fact look at the changes around you... You are leaving that. But you used to be the same way I bet.
Dont listen to them, they will never understand this journey and the things that will change in your life.
Today was day 11. I have to post my journal thoughts here because for some reason my phone won't allow to post in my journal space. Love Cherishes. Todays are was do something to let the other person know you cherish them. Well tonight he and I went to the grocery store. At first I was upset because he chose to drive his own car and I wantedd him to ride with me. My friend said that I will make a mountain out of a mole hill and be greatful he is willing to go to the store. We were out for 4 hours in the cold rain. I was so happy to see him. I fought the notion to hug him. I wanted us to just chill. It was awkward at first since we hadn't been speaking and that long talk. However it was a great day. It felt like we were on a first date. On my way home from Arkansas I stopped and bought him a mug with smiley faces on it. I gave it to him tonight. I told him when I saw it I thought of him and got it for him. I was scared he wouldn't take it but he loved it.. that made me feel so good.
I really thank God for allowing us the opportunity to spend time together peacefully. I am really beginning to understand love and allowing God access to everything. When he is in the mist things just feel right. I am able to focus on my future spouse (Titus 2:1) and really showing him unselfish love.
Have no expectations of responses. Christ will make the response in a way that best molds you to be more in His image. There will be times when you must be humble, and others you will smile.
But no matter what the response is, remember there is always a blessing.
I am so glad your journey is going well. I am even more excited that you are finding a new kind of love for God. We all reach very hard times in our relationships, and through life, but God is unchanging and will always answer. When times get hard for me, i am reminded of the scripture, " Be still, and know that I am God.", that is the most awesome feeling. In that scripture God is basically telling us to move out of the way, and let him be him. He knows your wants, and more importantly, he knows your needs. God will always provide what you need. Just take it a day at a time, don't give up, and don't be scared of rejection. Always remember, what your spouse rejects on this journey, God favors, because he is teaching you how to be more and more like him. God bless.
Thank you for the encouragement. I am really excited about where God is taking me on this journey. So far right now it is going well, that's because I really am trying to get the most out of this transformation. It has been a long time coming for me. I am fighting a number of things from fear to doubt. But I try to be like Job and wait for my change to come. I have gotten to a place where I have to trust God. Though some days I am like well I don't knot. But I know I can't myself fix or change anything about my situation or me. I have to rely on Psalms 23 "for thou art with me".
Day I am on day 12....we never really argued. Today I struggled a bit because I am doing a lot of reaching and so I decided that I won't do any more that he has to reach out too. But then I wondered is that being selfish. I went in and read Phillipans 2 about humility and quickly got "it ain't about you". So I have decided to endure this like a good soldier and finish the course.