Hi, I just watched "Fireproof" tonight for the first time ever!! I had hear of the movie but didn't realize what it was about until seeing it. I bawled like a baby because it hit WAY to close to home!!
I have been married for 20 yrs (as of December 1st). My husband was in the Army for 20 yrs. We have two daughters that are 19 and almost 17. Our 19 yrs old has put us though A LOT in the last 6 yrs that I feel has really put a stress on our marriage. My husband also in the last 6 yrs has been diagnosed with ADHD and a mood disorder. Even though he takes medication for these diagnoses, my marriage the last few yrs has been like walking on egg shells. I love my husband but really don't know if I want to be married anymore because even though I love him, I don't know that I like him. He has said some hurtful things and sometimes I think he is NOT the man I married. However, I don't want to throw away 20 yrs of marriage. I have been divorced once and don't want to go down that route again! I want to make our marriage better. I had thought about going to counseling to help me work through my feelings of whether I want to stay married or not but after seeing this movie I think this is the way I want to go.
I want to have my husband watch the movie with me and then talk to him about this program but I don't know how to approach him. A few weeks ago I broke down one morning when we were laying in bed and I told him that I sometimes feel like he isn't happy. That he isn't happy being married because he is "angry" all the time. I feel like we (me and my daugthers) can't do anything right. It's always his way or he is always right. He has been better since then but I am just walking on egg shells waiting for the next "episode" and I am getting tired of living this way.
We go to church and we believe in God. We have been through a lot with our daughter and I always try to turn to God and put things in his hands. To let him control it but it is hard to let go sometimes and give him that control.
I REALLY want my husband to participate in this with me. Any ideas on how to approach him with it? I am just so sad right now that our marriage has even come to this point because I always thought we'd be together "forever"!!
I might add that I have been an emotional wreck since watching the movie and being on this website!!
Praise God! I love to hear that the movie has effected someone so much. Because when it does, it shows how much you are seeking the true happiness and love only God can bless you with. I have only seen one person watch this movie and say bad things about it, and needless to say, his life has spiraled out of control and now is on the path to divorce.
With that said... Don't say anything to him yet about the movie. Take the journey for yourself right now. Not to save your marriage but more importantly to take that walk with Christ.
The dares are a journey between you and Christ. One that will let Christ mold you more in His image. He will expose to you a number of things about yourself and that you cannot control your life and others. It is an amazing opportunity.
I know you are thinking he needs this more than you. But you both need it. However it has to start with one, and that one turns into a testimony to the other.
Take the journey, and watch your marriage be molded by Christ.
When you get the 40 day dare let us know, there are good things to do when you start this.
Thanks, Sean. I will do that. I haven't ordered the Dare book yet but will do that tonight. I'll let you know when it arrives and when I start it. Thanks for your encouragement.
Ordered the Love Dare book today (didn't get a chance to do it yesterday). I also ordered the Love Dare Day by Day to have for a later date. When I've done the 40 days. I can't wait for it to get here.
Congrats. And when it gets there, may I suggest. Read from the cover to day 1, but not day 1. Read the entire appendix as well. Dwell on that for the day. Then start the days ahead first thing in the morning with your daily dare reading. It will allow you the whole day to complete the dare.
Like the movie showed, it was Caleb who did the dare on his wife and it turned the marriage around. That's where I started. My husband didn't do the dare with me the first time (and the first time I only lasted 2 weeks only because I didn't have the book and got it from the library), but the first 2 weeks were amazing and things were good for us. This time around both my husband and I are in a small group doing The Love Dare and he is fully committed to it with me. We are on day 1 today and it's been a good day so far. Yes, I agree that you need to do this for yourself and God and not for your husband at this time. It will definitely help you to grow in your relationship with the Lord. I guarantee though that your husband will take notice and wonder what's up with you. :) Good luck on your journey!
It is funny. We all start the dare for selfish reasons. To "fix" our marriage. But when we are willing to open up to Christ in this journey we learn that this is truly not a "fix all". It is a new life with Christ.
Yes, it ends up working for those that realize that. It makes a marriage something none of dream of. Because we realize marriage takes 3. Without Christ, it cannot be what it was intended to be.
I to want to say I am starting out trying this alone, my wife does not want to do anything at this time to work on our marriage, she does not know who she is and wants space, and I to am going to start to go to counseling for my issues. I love my wife very much but she has told me she does not love me, she wants to be separated and has told me she has the start of divorce papers. i am very scared and I am not sure how these dares will work. We have been married for 14 years and i really want this to work, and saying lots of prayers as well
In my humble opinion, based on personal experience and working with many people in this journey, It is better that you do this on your own at least the first time out.
This is a journey between you and Christ, not you and your wife. This journey will allow Christ to mold you more in His image if you are willing to do so. With that, you will find to love her better you will need to love Him first...
Do not let her know you are doing it. Just do what the dares say to do, no matter what YOU think. You need to learn to trust Christ in your life.
Please take the time to read the entire appendix, especially the part about following your heart. Very important to know in this journey. Not only for yourself, but to know what is happening with your wife while you are on this journey.