I started Love Dare 5 days ago and wanted to log what I did in earlier days...
Well, my wife and I are separated so we don't really see or talk on the phone so I really couldn't not accomplish this one. What I did instead was I sent her an email telling her that I've accepted this dare. She knows Love Dare because she actually bought the book but we didn't follow it then and we saw the movie in a church event together. In summary my email said "I love you unconditionally and expect nothing in return. I will fully submit to God and let Him fill my heart with love and change my life." She replied saying thanks for sharing but "when one door closes, another one is open". Initially I was taking it as disappointment because her thinking had not changed at all. Then I recall that I have God on my side and I would let Him guide me, instead of analyzing what that means and become mad about it. Satan is good but God has power over him. I'm patient. I did not reply to her message.
Glad to see you are on the journey. Bummed to see that Christ put this in your hands a while ago and it was not used until now.
One of the things you will learn in this journey is that the dares are meant for you to be more Christ Like. With that said, I understand that you may be seperated and do not talk much. But you will have to find unique ways to complete the dares.
But at any rate, focus on him and trust his path, and things will be blessed in many ways. And do not be so sure she knows the dares, maybe she did not read it. But that is OK. It is better that you do this for you and your journey with Christ.
James, glad you are committed to the dares. You will need to be creative to do the dares, and that's just all part of your growing process with Jesus. We'll be praying for you.
Wow, I am in the same cituation we are saperated and don't have much communication but I am going to take the dare. God is in control
Shirl, the dare is a journey worth taking. And you will see the blessings God takes you to.
Thank God I've read your post. My friend told me about the Fireproof movie a two weeks ago and I tried yesterday searching about the Love Dare. Oh yeah I will give it a shot BUT my husband left 3 months ago. I was asking myself, How can you love a person who is away? who is mad at you?who is rude at you? Why in the world should I do this?
We are member of the Marriage Encounter support group, for some reasons the Christian Life in the Spirit Seminar and Basic Christian Maturity started the day after my husband left. I was so devastated, why in the world am in this class? But after 3 months of attending every Sunday, I have learn that if you want to change the people around you, the change should come from yourself first....I also realize the true meaning of COMMITMENT, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and that is what MARRIAGE is all about....We are married for 10 months and he left on the 7th month.
And also I cannot discount the fact the power of asking for forgiveness, forgiving and forgetting....letting go of the pain and judgment ..
I have learn for the past 3 months the basic foundations, theories of what LOVE is. Love is a verb, a commitment....loving unconditionally without expecting something in return, loving the most important person in the world, that is your SPOUSE...loving your spouse even if they do not love you back...It's what exactly the Lord is telling us....I love you my child....he is always there..even if we are sinners...he is always there....the Lord's love is unconditional....now it's time to give it back to the Lord....Love him unconditionally....thru your spouse...
Now, I am so inspired to read your post that you have the courage to do it even if you are separated from your spouse and she is closing her doors...
Thank you so much for the inspiration...:)
Please include us in your prayers.....God will restore broken marriages....God will heal all the pains ......God is good...and GOD is LOVE...
Terranova, are you going to do the dare?
I praise the Lord that my journey is blessing someone else. I strongly encourage you to do this Dare. I just said a prayer for you and your husband and for you to be courageous and creative to doing this Dare while you're separated. My wife and I almost never talk or see anymore (close to 2 months now). She says she rather be alone whenever I asked to see or talk but I know she has been going out frequently with "friends" who understand her. It used to hurt so much but not much anymore because when you focus on God - He will give you the strength and comfort to move on. I'm imperfect like everyone else but God has carried me this far and I trust Him to continue to mold me the way He wants. He will reveal His plan for each of us in His timing.
James how has everything been?
Going okay. I still post each day's dare updates to discussion board each day. I've been really tired and sometimes feel like doing the dare for the dare. It could be because I've been hurt so much from finding out affairs and I'm starting to see the hope is getting slimmer by day. I know my focus shouldn't be on her but the inevitable is coming my way. I have grown to know myself and the Lord better through this process and still believe God has a plan for me ... maybe that's why I'm tired, growing too much in a short time(?).
My counselor suggested reading some of her books, listen to some of her music and watch some of her movies to get a better understanding of her, because I had been so out of tune to not see all her changes in so many years in our marriage. Counselor says it's ok to let my wife know about what I found out regarding the affairs so she can maybe work on that next time she meets the counselor. This might backfire and she just leaves for good or goes out with more random guys. I just have to trust God on this. Bless my hands because I'm not a good writer and it's an important email I'm about to write to her.
Let me know if I can help you in anyway.
You can never grow to quick with God... Hope growing slimmer is common when you are still focused on her and not Christ.
It is a hard thing to change especially in a time like this. You are afraid of switching your focus because if you do it will be the end.
I know I went through this as well. I was always in control. I always knew what was best. It was not until I realized what control I had, and what I thought was best was what got me to where I was.
I believe you should confront her about the affair as well. And if you Choose to still love her, then you will start to learn what UNCONDITIONAL love is.
Even though you are not focusing on Christ to take over YET.... HE LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.... You need to know that as well.
It's been 3 weeks since I opened this website...
I tried the dare... Day 1 and 2 was okay, tho no response from him at least he was not rude. Day 3 was terrible, I asked a friend to buy him his fave Starbucks coffee and he picked it up in my friend's office. According to my friend he was not skeptical and he immediately pick up the stuff after the call.
And few minutes later he sent me an SMS cc to my friend, a text message that is extremely rude. I can't remember the exact words but it was more of ..I will hate you for the rest of my life.
So at Day 3 I stopped. It was a horrible experience. I was crushed.
I said to myself this person is extremely rude to me. So why should I continue to be nice and love this person.
First week of July for some reasons he talked to me, he is asking help coz his mother is sick so I extended financial assistance for the meds and I did that because I love them, no more no less. But after getting help he even accused me that I did it because am just repaying for my sins. Terrible!
Few days later, I have decided to turn my back. I prayed hard, I ask forgiveness from the Lord that I cannot take it anymore and am giving up on this marriage. For some reasons my husband contacted me to ask a copy of the Marriage Contract for his new job. So I sent him a copy and when he received it he told me, oh yeah I just realized we are really married (gosh terrible!). But he was very clear not he don't want to come home and yet he is not filing for annulment because he has no money and am not filing either because I don't want to. We agreed not to talk about annulment yet.
And since then we are already talking in a nice way... positive thoughts and he always tells me he is always sick (he got gallstones)...he is always in the hospital etc....
But the thing is....he always ask for assistance but he never said sorry, or he did'nt show any remorse or repentance...terrible! He is acting as if I am the one who had mistakes and I should follow/give in on whatever his demands.
Just this morning he wants me to get a copy of his lab result from the hospital...and I was so upset that as if hes talking to a staff.....
I told him..... As much as I dont want to be rude If you are asking me a favor or if this is an obligation at least learn how to say PLEASE....
and he didn't replied to my text.
What should I do?
I need your help I don't know how to deal with him.....
I wanna kick and slap him! so rude..
Although your experience is painful, I strongly urge you to do the dares. While I cannot guarantee it will restore your marriage, you will grow in your relationship with God, which you will never regret. It is incredibly hard to extend acts of love to someone who is purely rude and evil to you, but this is the kind of unconditional love God calls us to, and that he extends to us. We'll be praying for you and hope to see more of you in this community.
Leslie is absolutely right (as usual). Follow the dares and focus on your journey with Christ. This will allow you to learn patience, and many other things that will get you to be more like Christ in these situations. To be a testimony to Him.
It will also allow you to realize how petty the things he is doing, and you will waste no more time worrying about those things.
The warning before the dares... It is way understated. You really need to get back to them.
Thanks to all your replies :)
I just realized that I have not forgiven my husband yet. I am willing to forgive but am still hurting. Human as I am, pain is there and I can't ignore it. I am very busy with my small business and very much occupied until 2am. But at the end of the day I still end up crying.
Now, I aleady withdraw and keeping my silence (my usual coping). I still go to Church, read the scriptures everyday but I no longer reach out to my husband. I am having two thoughts tho
1. Should I set aside all the hurts and pains, my husband needs me now because he is sick. I should stand by and be committed to our marriage vows which is in sickness and in health.
2. Why should I stand by him, he should repent first. i don't wanna play doormat and be manipulated by him and put all the blame on me.
Question, I am selfish if I withdraw and detach, I am so tired of the hurts and pains he's giving me.
Thank you so much for all your help.