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Re: Can this be done when...

Can this be done when...

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  • Would the Love Dare be something to do in even just dating a girl? We have seen each other for the past four years and I have let her down many times, lying, cheating, hiding things from her and she has still stuck by my side. Almost a month ago she had moved out and took everything of hers with her leaving no hope and says that she just wants to be single right now. We still talk, she still says she loves me and misses me but she wants to be single. I was in the same boat many people here are, I never listened to her as she cried her heart out to me on how she was feeling and she has ALWAYS gave 110% no matter what. I want to try the Love Dare on her to bring her back because even when we had bad days, which were quite a bit, I still never wanted or looked at another woman and thought that the grass would be greener on the other side. Any help and prayers are more than welcome!

  • Do the dares.  One a day no more no less.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do not read ahead other than the appendix especially about leading the heart.  Try posting in the community section.  The link under community is the love dare journal.  This section gets ignored mostly.

    Being unmarried there are a dare or two that are only for married people.

  • Thank you for the advise! She is truly a blessing to me and I thank God every single day he has not taken her out of my life even after all the hell I have put her through. I dont deserve her to still be in my life, but thats why I was asking if doing the dares would be worth my time since she still says she loves me and misses me but wants to be single, I want her to fall back in love with me and I hope that the dares can help with that!

  • This will be a journey between you and Christ, not you and her.  If you do the dares with that in mind, you will appreciate doing the dares.  If you do it to win her back, you may be very dissastisfied.   They are worth doing whatever she chooses to do.

  • That is what I have to focus on, is putting God first and living life for Him, not me, not her, but for God! It's a hard choice to do, but at some point I have to have peace...

  • That will bring you the desires of your heart.  Christ and His peace.

  • I know this book is supposed to help the person doing it spiritually for their own improvement to affect their surroundings, but I honestly believe my marriage is going to fail. It is completely my fault for prioritizing video games over my wife who I've been married to for 2 years and my 1 year and a half old son. I stopped doing activities with them to stay and play and my wife would get mad because I no longer have her the attention or affection she needed from me. She would get home from work very tired and I would ask her to look after our son considering I had been home either all day or been back from work for a while. She would get mad. She thought I found her less attractive or that I didn't love her anymore so she would go to sleep crying and I never did anything to comfort her because my pride got in the way. In other words I pushed her so far away that when one day I got mad at her grandma and aunt ( we were living at her parents guest house) I got up and left to my parents so find clarity and not deal with the stress. She felt more alone than ever and after a few times of talking about our feelings she claims she loves me but is no longer in love with me and wants a divorce. She said she would do it after the holidays so the family wouldn't be affected. Her mother asked her to watch Fireproof and I believe she did. I ended up getting the book because I had a few people tell me it's a good book that may restore a marriage. I am on day 2 and am counting the days according to when I see her. It is tough to do it everyday because I do not live with her. I feel like there may honestly be no hope since she's told my mom and her parents that she does not want marriage anymore because I drained her for two and a half years and she's had it.

  • Did you see the movie?  Do what caleb did with his computer to your video games.  

    this will be a journey between you and Christ not you and her.  She willl be a tool to mold you into loving like Christ loves.  Do a dare a day, no more no less.  Do not read ahead except the appendix, especially about leading the heart.

    do not have expectations of her when you do a dare.  It will get worse before it gets better.  

    Try journalling in the love dare journal section, under the community tab.  This part of the site really doesn't get read much.

  • I have put away my video games in the closet since my devotion is going towards my son now. i have read ahead out of distraction from the negativity but will stick to a day at a time with it. Thank you Tim.

  • This is my situation.

    My husband and I divorced 2 years ago after 14.5 years of marriage.  I had an emotional affair and this caused pain, hurt and anger that he never revealed to me.  we got back together last year.  February he asked me to sleep downstairs because after much talk he had been texting someone that responded to a profile he posted online a week previously. I had been neglectful and had not realized until shortly before that point that I wanted to be actively participating in my relationship with him and our family. I wanted to show him this my actions not my words but was a bit late in this.  He and his girlfriend for she moved into that title a week after after meeting for coffee. They have been together on every weekend for the past 7 weeks.  This is a hard time for me and our children.  I want to do the Love Dare.....I hope that the changes will bring us back together but I am realistic. He is a good but flawed man and I still love him.  Any advice on how to approach this,

  • This will be a journey between you and Christ, not you and your (ex)husband.  He will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  do not have any expectations from his wen you do the dares.  do not read ahead in the book, except the appendix, especially about leading the heart.

    I don't know if God sees you as divorced or not.  But I will leave you with this.....There are a dare or two that are reserved for only married couples.  So I will leave that between you and God if it is ok.  

    Try if you can to post under the community tab, under that tab is a link called the love dare journal.  Most people only read that part of the site.  and you will get more help there.  


  • I don't know your unique situation, your wife's heart, your marriage's history, etc., so my advice is based on some fill-in-the-blank assumptions, but if I was in your shoes, I'd imagine I'd start this journey by giving up...

    Tell God that you give up. Tell Him you are giving up your ideas on being able to save your marriage through your own strength, will, or effort. Admit that all past efforts to fix your marriage on your own have failed and so you are giving up and giving in to God. You know you need a miracle and, to my knowledge, God's the only One in the miracle business.

    Give up on your thoughts of what is or is not possible and give in to letting God have His way, while you commit to following His lead.

    Take comfort knowing that God is for your marriage and He already knows how your story ends. Your job is to follow Him as He leads you through the pages of The Love Dare. You don't need to understand how He can fix your marriage, just have faith that if your marriage has a hope, it will only be realized by following Him, one day at a time.

    True leaps of faith will never leave you worse off than where you started. Let hope and faith in God's abilities to do the impossibles give you strength.

  • Hey guys

    I am new on here I have watched the movie fireproof and now have got the book. I am not married but have a girlfriend of 2 years now and a couple weeks ago like a flick of a light switch she just says she doesn't love me or want to be with me anymore. it broke my heart i had no say in anything she wanted it was her way or the highway. She won't reply to me or come see me. So i started the Love Dare I am on day 10 right now. i haven't heard a single thing from her at all. I do the dares and i text her each night goodnight and that i love her and i get nothing in return, i also think she just blocked my phone number. I am so lost and confused right now i love her so much, I am not sure what to do Im so down and would like someone to talk to about this

    Thank you mike

  • As you do the dares you will come to realize this is a journey between you and Christ, not you and her.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  do a dare a day, no more no less.  Other than the dare or two that are intended for married couples only.  do not manipulate the dares to make them easier to do.

    Do not read ahead in the book, other than the appendix especially about leading the heart.

    As mentioned no more than a dare a day.  So don't text her each night or contact her unless a dare calls for it.  right now she wants space and you are getting in her space and may feel the need to keep space by blocking your number.  

    Do the dares but have no expectations from her reacting or responding.  It often gets worse before it gets better.

    Try journaling next time in the love dare journal section, under the community tab.  More people read that section of the site.  If you can't find that part of the site, come back to this section.  


  • Many have written how they are trying and trying to win their spouse back with no satisfying results. I thought I would give you the perspective of the woman that has given up and leaving.  First I will tell you that I did leave. I am now on my second marraige and going through Dare to keep this marriage in God's hands.  My first marriage lasted 23 years. From the beginning, and I do mean the honeymoon, I felt as if I were not important to my husband.  Later in life alcohol was added to the mix.  This only made things worse. I asked him to quit and told him I would not stay if he did not. 8 years later I filed for divorce.  Could he have saved us through Dare. Yes, BUT.  The but is there because I would not have believed sincerity in his efforts.  I would have thought this was superficial. Just an attempt to get me to stay and then return to old habits.  Earlier in the thread someone stated that you need to have the attitude that this is about you and your relationship with God. So true. Once you can grow in who you are in Christ and be that new creature in Christ.... then you have something. Something to give to your spouse.  Something else that would have helped.... would have softened me....  if he would have apologized.  If he would have said, "I shouldn't have said that I never loved you",  I shouldn't have put money/alcohol/anyone above you, I shouldn't have treated you disrespectfully, with disdain and unkindness.  You see when a person tries for so long and the efforts are disregarded, they become caloused toward the nonresponsive spouse.  You should consider what has happened to harden her heart, see your own sin and confess it to God and to her.  Ask forgiveness and ask for time.  This would have made a difference to me. It would have told me that he realized his part in our demise. I would have been more receptive to his efforts. At the very least it would have opened communication (would have been a first).

    Maybe this isn't you. Maybe you have done everything perfectly.  Or so you think.  I had to take a serious look at myself to realize my sin in my previous marraige.  I had to see those things that we don't think of as sin (self-pity, selfishness, pride, bitterness, fear, doubt etc) I know my part but I could not save us. He would not hear me.  

    I hope this helps some one save their marriage.  Divorce is horrible for the family.  Horrible for the kids.


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