Merry Christmas !! I hope everyone had a blessed holiday season!! I prayed for everyone on the Love Dare site. I know its been a long time but I am still here. I havent had much access to a computer. Im glad to know that people are still going through the journey and putting their faith in Christ.
I have lost track on what day I am on with the Love Dare because there are been so much going on. I havent had much contact with my husband and my father became quite ill in November. Part of the reason that I havent spoken with my husband was out of my frustration with the situation I was in. I did not feel supported when my father became ill. My brother and everyone else seemed to disappear and out of pride I didnt want to call my husband. After a visit to the hospital chaple and prayer, I did call him and he showed up and visited and helped my dad during those difficult times. I told him about how I was feeling in terms of support and not wanting to fight with him. He listened and he also said some hurtful things that he ended up taking back. My sister in law that visited over the summer kept in constant contact with me during my fathers illness. She prayed with me long distance over the phone, sent text messages and had a prayer group. She knew how I felt. I was thankful and my father left the hospital fully recovered. My birthday (Dec 18) and the holiday season came and My husband called and left a phantom message on Christmas Day.The phone didnt ring and when I tried to call back his phone was off. Its been off since Dec 25. I tried again and it rang a bit and then back to the machine. I can only think that he has gone away somewhere. I havent heard from his sisters when my fahter asked me to contact them for the holidays. Many thoughts have gone through my head, at times those thoughts make me not want to pray for this man. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and told me to continue praying.
I am not sure what 2012 will bring. There is so much uncertainty with my job, my fathers health and my husbands choices. I am thankful that I am still in the house and that he is providing financial support although he is not living there. it frightens me . He didnt want me to sell the home but he doesnt want to come back. Its like he might be waiting for something. ...
I will continue to pray
Blessings to all for 2012!!
Focus on Christ and when you look back on the year, you can see how much Christ can get you through. You are blessed, and now you can grow from here.
Merry Christmas and have a great blessed New Year!
Hi there. I have been reading your posts for a year now. I pray and hope for you constantly. My journey with my husband and Christ has been a hard jagged line. One day I will post my story, but for now I wanted to give you some additional tools to help. These two major tools were sent to me from God when I was willing to give up and in utter despair. A book called Divorce Busting, and site Divorcebusting.com with forums of so many people to speak with. Thru that site I was led to Rejoice Marriage Ministries www.rejoiceministries.org complete game changer. You will truly have the tools to continue standing in the gap for your husband. I am grateful everyday for the ways God has given me strength and guidance at the right time. I really hope this helps. God Bless You and know everyday I check to see if your promise has happened. It will it says so in the word. "Let no one take apart what God has put together". If you believe God put you together with your spouse than no one can break a covenant marriage.
Standing, have you done the dare?
im new tthe forum thing so if i am posting in the wrong place someone please corret me.. lol... anywaz heres my story... my husband and i have been together for 7 years and married for 4 we have a 2 year old son and we both treasure him dearly.. My husband and i were amazing at first, we were the couple everyone wanted to be and i mean that honestly ... we were told that by several freinds... and now... well everything has snowballed for the past 3 years... he and i grew up totaly different and opposite... but with bad childhoods... we met by working together and we both happened to be movong to the same city at the same time when we forst met... to make a long story short we have lived together since we've been together we bought our first home in 2008... and had our son in 2009... i had a miscarriage before i had our son and it devistaed me... then i lost my job and then found out that my husband had cheated on me all within about 4 months of each other... this was all in 2008, then i forgavemy huband becasue i knew it was the right thing to do and everything was not perfect but liveable... and then i got pregnant with our son and from there everything has been a wreck! My husband is a police officer to make things worse... and we all know there reputations... i was 7 months pregnant the first time my husband told me he didnt love me anymore and didn want to be woth me anymore and was only staying with me becasue of his son... and the he was born and things were not great but tolerable... and then it was one girl after another i was findingout about... he never had sexual relations with these woman... just emotional affairs and they hurt just as bad... he would and does tell me he wishes he would ahve done the things hes being accused of but here recently he put our house up for sale and quit talking to me and moved out of our bedroom a yea ago. he says he just isnt happy and he needs to find himself that the person he is today isnt who he wants to be... i can agree with that, but i also need to mention my husband was enganed from the time he was 14 until he was 19 and the broke it off with her dated 2 girls and then met me and married me 1 year later... so he never got to have the freedom and the playing around he should have experienced along time ago, but now my son and i are going to suffer from his decisions... i have found this book and am currently taking the dares and i am on day 7. he HATED the gift and the card, he told his mom that he wanted to spit on it... now mind u i have made my share of mistakes in the marriage but i ust cant fathom why he hates me so much, and why im not worth fixing things for... theres so much more to this story that i wouldlove to share but truth be told i dont think theres enough room to explain, i am just feeling hopeless and helpless.... hes filed for the divorce and keeps telling me to stop bing nice and go back to the way thngs were becasue nothing is going to change , his mind is set. so i just need some support to keep going and am i leaning on something i should just let go of? any advice would be appreciative!
First. When you are doing the dares he will have many negative responses. Have no expectations. He will always need to justify his actions, by doing so anything nice you do will cause conviction.
And while doing the dares you are allowing Christ to mold you through this journey. Your husband will become more negative before anything gets better. SO keep with the dares and stay a testimony. Believe it or not the more negative he becomes the more of a blessing it is. That means Christ is working on him as well. Because the more guilty he becomes the more he will not understand what is going on.
In the appendix is a section about leading the heart. Please read it. It will give you a good understanding where he is at the moment and why things are so hard for him to understand.
We are here for you each day. Also, if you would like take some time to read the journals I wrote.
i am just so frustrated with all this... yesterday i took some movies back and he thanked me for doing it (which was unexpected)... but tday i sent him a message thanking him for being a wonderful provider and father to our son... and i dont expect anything back from any of this ... i am just affraid i am going to make him mad becasue he has made it VERY clear that there is nothing left in his body that wants tosav this marriage... but let me explain something... i asked him to leave november 21 2011 after i found some really obsecene texts between him and this mystery girl.."i love you's" i want yous" i cant wait to be with yous"... he says they were drunk texting... i see otherwise.. but he did leave and stayed gone a week shy of a month and then december 4 2011 he came to the house and told me there was nothing left in him that wanted to save it... i spilled my heart out to him for hours and cried and he left without saying a word... i accepted it that day, that it was over adn tried to start my process and then TWO days later he sends me a text out of no where saying he wanted to talk to me befoe he made a decision and did i mean everything i said on sunday? and i said yes. he said ok i have been making decision off what u said to me so he set a date for that friday when he came home... so fridy came nd i was neeeervouse... considering what i had kicked him out for... and when he came home he was sick and ILL so i decided notto pus the issue of the talk he had asked for then saturday came and nothing and sunday and nothing... so monday he cooked us dinner (which he does every monday) and layed with me on the couch and offered to clean the kitchen with me and since everthing was going good ad he seemed to be in a good mood, i decided to ask about the talk... and HE BLEW UP AT ME! i mean yelled and said he cant wait to be out... all kinds of hateful things... made me cry like a child... i late rthat night saw where the mystery girl had called him that day TWICE and all of a sudden hes back to being hateful? i found out on the 21st of december he filed the papers the next day on the 14th... he told me this past weekend that when he came home tht friday he had every intention of wanting to workk things out with me and save this marriage until he came in and saw the scoul on my face and realized nothing woul be differnt.. truth be told maybe i did have a scoul but i work at a daycare and had jut worked from 7-5:30 with screaming children and thn came home to cook and clean and take care of our own 2 year old... hadnt been home 15 mins so yess maybe i was scouling but stil.. he says i should have ran up to him and kissed him??... we are going to marriage conseling, we;ve had 1 session and he told the dr. he was only there so i would sign the papers :( but HE insisted that i make another appt... so i did its next thursday... i just dont understand him AT ALL anymore.. i am doing the dares and i dont really find them hard yet just frustrating because i dont want to make him mad when hes already told me to stop doing these things... he says he wants to go to counseing so we can be frinds and have a good realtionship after the divorce... am i being selfish for thinkig thats ridiculous? i will read what you told me too... i just wish i knew what to do... i am trying to move out ccasue i just cant bare to live with someone i want to touch and kiss and know im not wante or allowed to... but like i said ANY advice wold be greatly appreciatd!
You are not being selfish thinking that is ridiculous. But, deep down, I assure you that is not his intention of the counseling. When he yelled and screamed about you asking and saying you should of ran up and kissed him, that clearly shows he is following his heart in every step he makes including the OW.
His pride is stomped on. So you bringing up the other situation is just fuel on the fire. And for him to protect anymore embarrassment with you, the worldly reaction is exactly what he did.
He wants you to stop doing these things, because it is called conviction. People of the world will call it guilt, but when you are on this journey, you have Christ. Christ will work on him daily, and he will be convicted.
If you want to touch and kiss then do it. If you are rejected, then take that humble moment and commit it to prayer. But the dares will overcome most of your concerns soon enough.
Yes Sean I have done half the love dare but along the way God has led me to so many other sources for help to stand for my marriage. Ironically as I go thru all my tools at different times as the Lord leads me I felt it was time to pick the book up again and someone stole my purse out of my car with it in it. Hmmm The enemy attacks always especially when it comes to marriages.
To LeanneRussell as someone who has personally experienced the worse the enemy has to offer my husband has finally been diagnosed with Sex Addiction. He did everything to me that your going thru. He's been in counseling with me for over a year now with someone that is one of the leaders in America with regards to this addiction. For others who are reading this I know you might be in disbelief I was too. But this insane Journey has truly brought me to my knees before Christ. A book that might help is "Mending a Shattered Heart" By Stephanie Carnes. You will know other places for help. I know Christ is the solution to everything and I believe he puts these tools out there to help us. I can tell my husband is almost home and almost in recovery and I plan on starting the love dare again to solidify a new marriage in Christ. When others tell you just to give up your in too much pain and thats not Gods plan read 1 Peter all of it and see if you get any Rhee-mas to help. God Bless you All Trust in Christ for if you ask in righteousness you shall receive.
Are you sure it is the Lord leading you to many tools that you do not finish? Or maybe the enemy deterring you from each long enough to interfere.... It seems it would be a great idea to finsih a journey before starting the next.
well just an update... i have moved out... tthings have finally crossed the line in my marriage, and i hate to give up but i unfortunaley have too... i ahve no fight left in me, he purposly started a fight with me last thursday night and got in my face (which he has never done) and called me a leech and told me his lfe was ruined becasue of me... apparently there are rumors of him and this girl going around at his job and he is now saying i started them... i did no such thing! would never do anything like that.... during the argument i stayed calm never said anything negative and that just seemed to make things worse... he wanted me to fight so like everything else he could justify what he has done and is doing... and i wouldnt let him so i went to my bedroom with our 2 year ols (who was asleep) and he broke my door off the hinges and told me the get the **** outta his house and then get the **** outta his life... so thats what i have to do.... he told me he couldnt stand me and hated my guts... i honestly have done nothing worthy of being treated this way except try to save a salvagable marriage.... he likes me one day and wishes me dead the next... so this is all i know to do... i am going to continue myself in counseling because i do honestly believe that he has some mental issues and i want to know how i am suppose to handle him for the rest of my life considering we have a child... because from this day forward anything that ever happens to josh> another failed marriage, unhappiness, burdens, failed relationships< ... Will ALWAYS be MY fault.... i can nothing but cry and pray, but i have no idea what else to do...i guess i would like to think that he will wak up one day and realize he needs some help, but u have to know something is wrong with you to do that and he just blames everyone else.... so here's to hoping..
Thank you but the other tools he led me too are ongoing you do not finish using them. They are continued support each and everyday. My journey with Christ will never be finished and for that I am thankful. I continue in counseling thankfully I don't know why except for God that my husband goes each week. I been at this for over a year and if you checked the tools I listed you would see their daily value. The Love Dare is a great tool but sometimes it takes more than one tool to do a job. And I stated my purse was stolen with book. But my most important book remains my BIBLE. I encourage everyone to do Love Dare but to also to see all tools at once make a well-armed Christian. God Bless Happy New Year
@leannrussel.... You have not failed. Please do not stop your journey. Continue it. What you do not realize is that the guilt and conviction is very strong right now and he does not know how to handle it. And unfortuneatly you are the source of escape. Seek comfort in Christ through this and continuing your journey.... we are here everyday to help.
@standingingap.... My point was you leave one thing and then come back to it. There are many devices that will help you on a journey with Christ. But stick to one and get through it before the next. Stopping one and going to another and then coming back again is something that could hinder your growth.
The only time your journey will end will be when Christ is finished molding you. And that will not happen in our lifetime. In fact the finished product is when we are called to be with Him.
JUST ABOUT HAD IT... UP TO HERE!!!
Hello everyone, I can see that there are many others that are going through the same situation and feeling frustration at this time. I know how each and everyone of you feel.. BELIEVE ME.!!
The last week has been very stressful and horrific. My father went BACK into the hospital for a few days and once again.. no one else was around to help out. I began to feel quite stressed. My husband said that he would come to the hospital once again to visit ... He said this for 3 days in a row and was a no show. I didnt let this bother me. He said that he was working late and that he will come the next day. My dad was released from hospital (he was sent as a precaution) and I didnt think about my husband again. He called me late on Friday night asking me how my father was doing and that he is going away to Florida for the weekend (with his girlfriend. It is her 40th bday). He said that he "must attend a wedding". I already knew that part was not true. I asked him why he was telling me this? It made me angry. he said , Oh because I wanted to be respectful . I told him that, he didnt bother to tell me that during the week and he constantly promised my father that he would come and visit. I also stated that over the holidays he didnt even bother to call or visit, so I dont think that he was being respectful. He said that he "MUST ATTEND THIS WEDDING'. I blurted out that its a trip that he is taking with his female ferret for her bday!! He went quiet and tried to lie. I asked him not to lie anymore and not to talk to me . He hung up the phone. My prayer partner friend told me not to worry with him... God is in control. They also said that maybe your husband called out of conviction because honestly he does many things and does not talk to you for days at a time. I beleive that if something bad happened to my dad that Mister Man would not cancel his trip with the Feret. He would have gone.. which would have made things worse. It took a long time for me to calm down. I didnt cry but I felt crushed. The Feret matters more to him than anything else!!1 I prayed about the situation and the next day, both of my sisters in law called me just to check in. There was no mention of their brother and I am not sure if they know of what he is doing or where he is. It made me feel better to know that they are not against me and willing to be friendly towards me.
But to be honest, I really wanted to throw the telephone out of the window and tell my husband to just go to H-E- double hockey sticks and to sign divorce papers and get out of my life!!! My husband still pays the mortage and has not said anything about living arrangements for quite some time. I often wonder.. why is he paying? Its like he is waiting for the moment when HE THINKS ITS RIGHT before he drops a bomb on me (divorcing me,marrying the Ferret, having little Ferrets) . Its making me SICK. I have prayed and prayed for this man... many others have prayed for him also. On New Years Day at 1 30 am, I called into a live TV prayer show in which EVERYONE Prayed for Mister Man and the tv pastor states that 2012 will be the year that he will come back to Christ... SEE THAT everyone is praying and the man seems to be WORSE and bheave foolishly!!!
@standing- I read your response to me and thanks for the referrals. I checked them out and hopefully they can be tools that I can use when the timing is right. At present time, I am using the Love Dare. For me its best to stick with it, just like Sean had suggested.
I know that I wrote ALOT.. my head hurts..