Well I have been almost the first day. It has been hard because he has been on the computer with other women all day, and his phone has been buzzing from the texts also. It has been a rough day. I wanted to scream "Hey if they are more important then go to them" but I didn't. I prayed the Lord to help me keep my cool and to take the pain away. He and He alone can do that. I have been listening to Praise music to help me stay in a prayerful state of mind. I know it is only going to get harder and I am going to have to start ignoring what he is doing and focus on what God is going to do. But that is so hard ... He told me I was acting nutty today and I smiled ... he looked as if I was a lunitic or something... I have been writing in a journal today when I felt like screaming just to get it out someway with being negitive and starting any kind of fight ... and still praying thank you for all the good advice and scriptures ... is it supose to hurt this much ... I mean it is like I am slowly dying ... just wondering ... and this was just the first day ... some start ... right?
I thought God was playing a cruel joke on me when I had made the commitment to start this journey because of how AWFUL that first day was and how horrible my husband was treating me. Once you truly realize that you have zero control in this and that it MUST be given to God, you will feel a sense of peace. If you read my Day 1 entry and then go to my Day 6 entry - you will see what I am talking about. I know we are all on different journeys, but we are all experiencing the same hurt and heartache, which Christ is our ONLY true comfort for.
I love that you mentioned you listen to praise music to help you stay in a prayerful state of mind. That is ALL I listen to now - driving, working, at home. It keeps me positive and reminds me all day who is the one in control!
Keep it up. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs especially when your husband sees that you aren't miserable. That is their scapegoat that you are taking away, so he may find whatever means he can to bring you to that 'miserable state.' Just keep reminding yourself that this is about you and Christ. He will give you the strength and comfort to get through each day!
Just remember. This is a journey between you and Christ. Trusting Him is the hardest thing. We always think we know what is better for us. But we have also all seen where that has led us.
With him thinking you are going crazy. Thats great. Because the flesh will never understand what God does within us. The blessing of forgiveness He grants us etc... But it is all a testimony to those around us.
As Christ molds us, the more they will not understand, but the more they are convicted. And be prepared the more they will need to see that reaction out of us.
I have really made a mess ... I thought I had this under controll, but , of course I stepped in and said something when I realized he had given this one women that he is involved in our home address and I just could not stand the thought of her showing up at my home. I called him on it and he blew up ... I remained calm and firm at the fact I didn't want her in or around my home but he went through the roof ... I told him I was sorry but it hurt me to think about it .... I know I shouldn't have said anything but I did ... still hoping and going to try to get back on track but I feel like a failure .... day 2 and messed up ...
That is the problem... You having it under control. You must leave things with Christ. That does not mean just let the world go on around you, but it does mean to focus in prayer and allow Christ to mold you so that these situations can be dealt with in testimony not anger.
You are not a failure. Not at all. This is exactly what Christs plan has, for you to recognize these things and allow Him to mold you into the testimony He needs you to be. That is why it is a journey.
Thank you Sean, but I am a little confused ... When I told my husband I didn't want her to show up on our doorstep, I wasn't really angry. I was actually calm but to the point. He is the one that went off. I never raised my voice just expressed my concern ... I was thinking I wasn't to say anything ... this morning has been stressfull, he started talking about her and I kept my cool and let him talk. I said I was sorry I upset him and I was trying to live better. He kept talking but I just let him and let my heaart silently pray for courage and wisdon to handle this in the right way. He fianlly stopped and I thank the Lord for that .... got praise music going with headphones to help me. The music seems to have a very calming effect and I enjoy it. thank you again for the support...
You must say things. Especially to hold accountable. For her to show up is your right as a wife to protect your marriage PERIOD!
I'm still here and going forward ... been hurt but staying in prayer ... my husband's sister has been staying with us off and on the last 4 months due to the death of her husband. She has little pity for her brother the way he is acting . She is very supportive of my feelings, especially when I feel very weak. She is a strong Christian and prays for and with me. She really means alot to me. I want to thank you for being here as well, Sean. It is tough here sometimes.
We have 2 grandchildren (9 yr.old boy,( product of divorced parents) & 10 mth old girl) and the grandson doesn't understand what has happend to granddaddy. All I can tell him is Granddaddy loves him but has something he has to work out.
Just keep praying for the strength to carry on.
In those moments of hurt , take time and put margin in your day with Christ. Seek out what and why. Compare everything with you relationship with Christ, I am sure you will find many things that turn to a blessing.
I too am at this point, I have been fighting this thought from Day 1, I am on day 9 and it is just as hard. The only difference is we are still staying in the same bed, and she all but refuses to talk to me about it.
Then let it go with her and take it and lay in on Christ in prayer. She will talk when she realizes you are not concerned anymore
Its been quite some time that I written on here. I hope everyone is well. I have been reading everyones postings and praying for all of you.
I just came out of a rough period and waiting to recuperate and calm down before I could write on here.
March 1st had made 1 year since my husband left home.
The last time that I was in contact with my husband was Feb 3 and I never heard from him again. I was also very sick with pneumonia for the entire month of February 2012. Last week I received mail that my husband was using my dental benefits card and was going to the dentist to have work done. This made me angry at the time and I called him on the phone. It was about 11:00 pm and he picked up the phone surprised to here from me. He said that he's been calling me for the longest time and never heard back from me. I told him that I never got any phone calls or messages and I been sick for a long time. I also lost power during major wind storm here and I did not have any heat or running water. I started to get upset because he kept insisiting that he was calling me on a regular basis. He then asked me why I didnt call him when I lost power? I told him that the FERRET is the guard dog of his phone and you would leave your home at 3 am to come to my rescue. He said that he was coming over and hung up the phone. I was very upset and started to cry. I guess with all of the pent up emotions I had and still feeling unwell got to me. I went to took a shower and my husband showed up. He let himself in and picked up the HUGE PILE of mail that he didnt pick up for 3 months. He stayed for about an hour and talked to me . He looked very different. he shaved off his eye brows and his hair looked like it was in a battle that lost. I asked him what was going on with that? He made some excuse that he made a mistake with his shaver. it was very difficult looking at him. I prayed before he showed up. My husband was being nice for a while. He hugged me and said that I will get better. I told him its been hard for the last while. He said that he knows and that God knows in his heart and mind that he wishes me well. After that point, my husband became very arrogant in his behaviour. He paced around the house and looked in each room and pulled the shower curtains back to look in the tub. He did this repeatedly. I asked him if there is anything he is looking for ? He didnt answer. He tried to hug me again and then left.
After he was gone, I prayed once again and called him. He was driving and he said that I would recover soon.
I was trying to make sense of his behaviours and when he said that he wishes me well made me feel like he doesnt plan on coming back.
He called me each evening to see if I was better and if I went to work. I havent heard from him again.
I prayed and asked God for some clarity and understanding.
Can anyone give some insight?
God willing he is in complete conviction. Honestly there is not enough information about his situation to really make a sound answer.
As for you. God has been getting you through each day. How have you been spiritually each day?
I have been taking my situation to prayer each and every day. At times, when I felt at my lowest Ididnt have much motivation because I was not well. Others came to pray with me, read bible and I read literature about Cultivating the Fruit of Waiting by Charles Stanley. Thats how I been coping spiritually.
As for my husband and his lifestyle. I am not really sure what is going on with him. I was really afraid of communicating with him because I thought for sure he was going to come and tell me times up and to get out of the home. My prayer partner told me that she doesnt think that my husband is all that happy and that he is being led by his conscience, which menas that he is making a decision to violate his conscience and not doing what God wants us to do. He is living in an immoral way and has reprogrammed himself into thinking what he is doing is right!!!
My husband is not budging from where he currently is. He got real uncomfortable when he hears about the Ferret. (I called her his other "wife"). Its like he is in a steel trap and only thing that I can think of is that she is preggers.!!!
He asked me many questions about my job and if I could work. If the flat screen tv works. Where did I get old photographs of my parents from and demanded to know who gave them to me. Him looking around and pacing made me think that maybe he wants to have me remove furniture from the house and it may be too much of a burden for me? Or he is just nervous because it was past his curfew and he has to get home to the FERRET? !!!
Many of us have prayed for this man and he remains the same. It surprised me when he said that "GOd really knows what in his heart...". Does he talk to God? Is he repentive of his behaviours? I dunno?
My husband called once again in the early evening just to check on how I was feeling and he told me that he will go visit my father when he gets the time. . He also asked if I was in contact with his sister.
The only dare that I was able to come up with was to pray for him in a different way and I was able to do that. I could have offered my husband a meal or a drink when he was over but I didnt because I was too upset and feverish to do it. Sometimes I feel like I can strangle him.
I am sure that Christ is working in his life. I am sure there is conviction. But for some reason your husband has fought each and every thing. But the time is coming. The time for your testimony to shine.
Those feelings of being upset and feverish need to turn to Gods love and remorse for him. You need to focus on Christ and your relationship with Him. So that you know no matter what happens the trust you have in Christ will fill every void your husband causes.